Dec 31, 2009

Last Post of the Year

I've been blog-lazy for the last couple of weeks that LB has been here. There has been SOOOOOOO much going on that I really haven't had time to stop and think, which is probably a good thing. However, I have taken about 500+ pictures with the new Canon Rebel XS that my wonderful parents got me for Christmas so hopefully I can put some of those up soon.

Did I happen to mention that LB is still here? Yup, he will be here until our wedding on the 18th. Which is officially 19 days away. We're getting married in less than three weeks!! We have so thoroughly enjoyed this extended stay and we're both sad knowing that it is coming to an end. Having LB here has been great to keep my focus off of getting pregnant and on to what really matters.

Speaking of getting pregnant, no, we're not yet. The window ends in February and then can resume in May so I'm really just taking it one day at a time. I've learned a lot about myself and about Brent since this process started and I am so thankful for him every day for helping me through this. When they say it's possible to fall in love with someone more every day, trust me, it's possible. I look at that man and thank God every day for bringing him into my life.

For now, that's about all the reflection I can muster. It's been a wonderfully crazy year and I look forward to the decades ahead with my little family.

Love, KC

Dec 16, 2009

LB is Coming!!

So I just thought I'd share some AWESOME news in regards to LB's visit today:

His mom is allowing him to stay with us until the wedding on January 18th. That is 4 1/2 weeks!! We are thrilled and are making a ton of plans.

Brent is on his way to Oklahoma to get him right now, so we should start having picture updates soon. :-))

Love, Kc

Dec 15, 2009

The Time has Come - and a new addition . . .

I've been running like a madwoman trying to get things in order before tomorrow - LB will be here FINALLY!! Brent is leaving at 9am so hopefully they'll be home shortly after I get off work. I'm so very excited to see him and share in this holiday with our new family.

Because I consider myself to be an awesome almost-wife, I caved and bought Brent one of the things he's been asking for for months, and gave it to him on Saturday night. He was shocked, and now we're trying to settle in to the routine of having a baby in the house again.

Meet Stormy LaRue - part Siberian Husky, part German Shepherd - and the new love of Brent's life. :-))

Love, KC

Dec 7, 2009

Dept. of Gastronomy: By Meat Alone:

Brent and I plan on taking a road trip to visit this place soon. BBQ lovers that we are (and BBQ boss that he is) it should be interesting - especially since, like the writer of this article, he is from Kansas City, vastly different in BBQ taste from what I grew up with here in Texas.

Dept. of Gastronomy: By Meat Alone:

Love, KC

Dec 4, 2009

Home Away From Home

For the past four years I have moonlighted as the merch girl for a DFW band called Exit 380. I was single for the first three of those years and had some of the best times of my life. Since I've been off the market it's been an entirely different experience and I've enjoyed sharing it with Brent. Tonight is the first show they've had since September and I'm so excited we're here - even my Mama came! This band has been my home away from home all this time and I've dearly missed my friends. If you have time check them out on MySpace. Til then I'm gonna sit back and enjoy some great tunes.

Love, KC

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Dec 3, 2009

LB & Santa

Just a quick post. LB's mom took him to visit Santa in Kansas City, and was kind enough to share a picture. We will have his pictures done here as well to share with this side of the family when he comes in a couple of weeks. Can't wait to see our boy!

Love, KC

Dec 2, 2009

Starting Over

The Thanksgiving holiday passed without a hitch. We managed to spend the morning with my dad, the mid-day with my mom's side of the family, and the evening with Brent's family. All in all I'd say it was a great day. Actually, we both remarked how it was neat to experience the different traditions from where we were raised: my family's obviously more Southern atmosphere as opposed to his family's more North-Central home. Regardless, the food was great and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. We were sad that LB was not here, but he seemed to have a good time with his mom eating "chicken". LOL

We put up the Christmas tree the Friday before Thanksgiving, as well as the lights. I'll try to post pictures after while.

And finally, another month has passed with no baby. It's getting easier to take, though no less disappointing. So we are starting over this month, with three left to go, and hoping that one of these takes.

Love, KC

Nov 20, 2009

What's in a Name?

I just have to put this out there, as it's a common issue that we as parents struggle with when having a child - the acceptance of the name.

Someone in the department right next to me had a new grandbaby born overnight. She is sorely disappointed that they named the baby Gunner (not Gunther), and is lamenting this to all of the women in her area - all of which are over 50. She doesn't understand why these college educated professionals would name their child something like that, even though it's been picked out for quite some time, and why they couldn't choose a simple name like James and call him Jimmy.

Obviously, that name appeals to them and what right do you have to try and influence the naming of their child?! I fear this will come up when Brent and I have children, especially with the girls names we've picked out. But you know what? We love the names and that is all that matters. Here's to hoping that our mothers and grandmothers can keep their opinions to themselves, if they're negative.

Love, KC

Nov 19, 2009

From the Beginning . . .

We met on eHarmony, and no I’m not in any way ashamed to admit that. I will admit that I initially signed up for two reasons: boredom being number one, but number two being that I was hoping to meet a different caliber of men than I’d been spending the majority of my time with. I had set standards: at least 27 years old, at least 6’ tall, and NO kids. I did not want the baggage that came along with a possible ex-wife/ex-girlfriend and Lord knows I get attached to kiddos way too easily. So if anyone came along that did not meet my criteria, I immediately closed the match, regardless of what their profile said. That was until January 3, 2009, when I was matched with him. Honestly, I intended to close him. I really did. But I kept going back to this picture.

This picture was the first thing I saw when I opened his profile, and I couldn’t help but smile. There is something about it that just showed immense joy and love from this man and his son and even though he failed all of my demands, I couldn’t close him out. So I waited for three days, and sent my first round of questions. And to this day, I feel like I lost three days with him somewhere in there.

Those eHarmony commercials, as corny as they are, are real. From my experience I truly believe that. I was on that site for less than a week when we were matched, and we could both swear to you that we were destined to be together. We ARE that corny couple and we proudly wear that badge. Through an unfortunate set of circumstances - my having severe pneumonia and him having the flu - we were able to spend over two weeks just talking to one another. And talk we did! I’ve never talked to someone so much, and we still don’t shut up (just ask our families). This, I believe, helped to build the strong foundation of our relationship, how openly and honestly we communicate with each other about everything.

I remember one night, probably during week two, he asked me to marry him four times in one conversation. All over food, I do believe (which I still contend is a primary reason he’s marrying me). I don’t think there was ever a doubt in either of our minds even at that point where this was headed. But amongst our earliest of conversations were children. Did I mind that he had a child? What were his thoughts on more children? In no time we were pretty set on 3-5 kids, and I was excitedly freaked out about LB. How, in such short order, had I found my other half – and a baby?

What I’d written above was supposed to be my introductory blog. The entire purpose of setting up the blog in the first place was to capture our journey of making our family. I’m not sure why I never finished it or much less posted it, but I found it today and wanted to try and finish it. It was originally started on 6/11/09, just over five months ago. Not much has changed, and at the same time so much HAS changed.

We still don’t shut up. Every opportunity we have to talk to one another we greedily seize and try to cram as much into that two or three minutes that we can. It’s increasingly difficult since Brent was promoted to store director in September, but we do the best we can.

We are more madly in love with one another than we were yesterday, or the day before. Every day our love grows in such a manner that it leaves me speechless, incredibly blessed and anxious for more. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it was possible to love someone so completely, for everything that they are and everything that they’re not. It’s hard to express this in a way that can wholly encompass those emotions, so instead we mainly smile at one another with a knowing that we wish others could experience.

Our wedding is in 60 days, one year to the day of our first date, and we have done nothing to prepare other than toss around a few things we’d like to do. We have no intention of having anything that really resembles a wedding, actually. All that we need is a minister, LB, our parents and his siblings, and my best friend. That is eleven people, and I’d be perfectly happy having it in someone’s living room. While there are no immediate plans for a honeymoon (thanks to my job) we will definitely spend a week doing something during the summer.

Lastly, our three-year baby plan went out the window within three weeks in our new house. We’ve been trying to conceive since then, with no luck yet, and trying to not be discouraged. I fully realize these things take time and therefore I’m just not going to worry about it anymore. Both of us will be utterly delighted to have a baby when the time comes, but for now we do good just to keep ourselves from going insane.

As with every couple, we sometimes have issues. While I’m a complete neat freak and like things to be extra organized, he is my polar opposite and that can sometimes create frustration on my part. For the most part, the fact that he has ADD never occurs to me except when he can’t complete a task, and I have to remind myself that I’ve never been in his shoes and not everyone is as anal retentive as I am about all of the lights being off in the house before you leave.

As you’ve read, LB is growing bigger every time we see him. He was only 23 months old when we started dating, tiny as could be and precious. Now he’s going to be three in a couple of months and he’s a different kid. The terrible twos have been rough but we’ve survived with our humor intact, mostly because of the insanely cute things he does. I asked him the last time he was here if he wanted a little sister, to which I got a “NO!!”, while Daddy asked if he wanted a brother and he said, “YES!!” I’m hoping he warms to the idea; I think he’ll be a great big brother.

Thankfully I had the foresight to pull off mine and Brent’s entire email communication from our first week of “talking” before my membership to eHarmony expired. To go back and read them now is so funny, and remarkably true to how we are. Hopefully I can put them in our scrapbook.

Until next time. . .

Love, KC

Happy Feet

Most mornings when dressing for the office I think of one thing - comfort. Our attire is business casual so comfort is fairly easy to achieve, usually black slacks and a soft cotton blouse. However, this morning I was running late and feeling spunky, so I threw on my comfy red cotton dress and my favorite red polka dot wedges. The shoes take me from 5'7" to over 6' tall, and somehow remind me of Dorothy.

Love, KC

Nov 18, 2009


Whew. I guess I never fully realized how consumed I was with the baby-making process until I backed off from it. After another month of no baby, I decided at the first of November to just not think about it anymore. I had been enthralled with anything regarding babies, conceiving, tracking, you name it. It was really taking a toll on me, why I couldn't conceive immediately and what was I doing wrong?! Not ONCE since the beginning of the month have I looked at a blog, an app, or anything regarding pregnancy. And you know what? It feels GOOD. I'm not honestly sure when I had my last period, when I could have conceived or when the next one is due. It's as if the greatest weight has been lifted from my shoulders and that is exactly what I needed.

Initially I think Brent thought this was my way of saying I didn't want a baby right now, and it took a day of bickering to get him to fully understand my reasoning. Absolutely I want a baby, and due to my job restrictions we can try until February and then we'll have to take about three months off and pick up in May/June. I fully believe that God will not give you more than you can handle and He will decide when the time is right, so obviously the timing hasn't been right thus far and we must just be way too busy to handle a baby. That's what I choose to believe, and it has nothing to do with my want for a child. By letting go of the process in my mind and letting nature take it's course, I'm less stressed and happier, and that is the precise medicine I needed. Although we said from the beginning that we were "going to try, but not try", we've been "trying" this whole time. It's draining.

So I'm quite proud of myself. I've been focusing on work and family and rearranging my entire house for the Christmas tree. It is truly my favorite time of year, and when I put up my Christmas tree this weekend I'm going to whip out my customary bottle of pink champagne and enjoy it, because my body deserves to let loose and do what it needs to do.

Cheers to the holidays and lots of fun baby making!

Love, KC

Nov 16, 2009

LB's November Adventures

LB went home yesterday. We are sad. The End.

So not really, but that's the gist of how we feel. Last week was one of the longest and shortest weeks ever. Between LB being sick and spending Monday morning in the Cook's Children's ER, to all of the crazy things going on in both mine and Brent's work lives, we sort of awoke this morning wondering what happened. It's as if he was here and then he wasn't, and we don't have just a whole lot to show for it.

Let me start with last Sunday, when we picked him up. He had a horrible cough, that his mother said he'd had since the Wednesday prior but she wasn't concerned about. We had not gotten more than 20 minutes from our drop point - Guthrie, OK to be exact - when he started coughing so hard that he threw up. I was officially scared. Cue the iPhone for the nearest pharmacy and we were in downtown Guthrie looking for a cough suppressant. There is a quaint little pizza joint there so we sat down, ate, and let LB watch some Nascar while we set him up with a breathing treatment. He slept fairly well on the way home but was absolutely miserable, and by the time we finally put him to bed we all were. I wrestled with taking him to Cook's that night, but really hoped he'd wake up better Monday.

No such luck. He woke up at 2:15am on Monday, crawled into our bed, and didn't go back to sleep until almost 5am. By that time I had to get up and get ready for work, and run and drop my car off at the shop and pick up my rental. Brent called about ten minutes until 8am and LB was not doing any better. We'd heard him wheezing all night long through the monitor and it wasn't subsiding with the breathing treatments. After calls to two different doctors, they told me to take him straight to Cook's. Some steroids and two breathing treatments later, we were sent home with an ear infection and aggravated asthma and instructed to do more steroids and six treatments a day for the next four days.

Through all of this LB did amazingly well. Despite his crankiness and inability to breathe he was in fairly good spirits. He took the treatments like a champ and gradually got better. We had one more night of ups, on Monday, when he woke up at 11:45pm and then again at 5am. After that he slept every night. He and I shopped a lot, bought a few items for Christmas - including a Lightning McQueen stocking - a new jogging stroller, a guitar with a cool intro to Whole Lotta Love, and some ornaments. We made homemade playdough, with me finally just giving him a cup of flour and a whisk and letting him go at it.

Our highlight was Saturday, when we attended the high school football playoffs at the new Cowboys Stadium. Brent's dad is a coach and his team made playoffs this year, so we sat through almost two games. LB was mesmerized. Kid loves football, and between that, his natural ability at all things sports and music we might have a prodigy on our hands.

So yes, LB is gone and we are sad, but the good news is that he'll be back in 4 1/2 weeks for Christmas and will be here for two full weeks. We're already counting down the days.

Love, KC

Nov 6, 2009

Taking a Moment to Breathe . . .

Trying to have a baby is stressing me out, and it's wearing on me. In turn, Brent is getting the brunt end of it - and while I'm sorry about that, I also sometimes feel like it is necessary. I'm not going to go into specifics, but sometimes you have to say what needs to be said, whether it hurts your feelings or not. Because believe me, as bad as you feel about it, I feel ten times worse.

So I slammed a door as hard as I possibly could, which only seemed to make my anger boil, and then sat in my dark closet and just . . . breathed . . .

It hasn't helped much yet, but I'm trying.


Nov 4, 2009

The Accident

I've been driving for the last ten years and have never been involved in an accident - at least one where damage was done to my vehicle. Once, not too long after I started working in Dallas, someone in a Toyota Tercel rearended my Ford Pickup on the highway. While no damage was done to my truck, his car was totaled - my dual exhaust pipes shredded his hood, the back end of my truck was sitting on his car, and he had no insurance. All I had to do was have my pipes re-welded.

So I guess it was bound to happen. Yesterday morning I woke up feeling great. There was now a slight probability we could be pregnant and I was just in a fantastic mood. It was 7:15am and I was less than 10 minutes from the office, just having crossed I-35 traveling eastbound on I-635. As customary for this time of morning, the far left lane I happened to be traveling in was at a complete stop, letting the traffic coming from 35S get on before the lane became the HOV.

I saw her coming. I was talking to Brent on the phone and I said, "This truck is fixing to hit me!" Sure enough, she slammed on her brakes and cut the wheel, but still hit me at a pretty good rate of speed. My head slammed against the headrest, and I said a few expletives. Once I regained my composure we made our way across five lanes of rush-hour traffic to the shoulder.

This poor girl in her Expedition was a mess. She was young, maybe 20, and thoroughly upset. Thankfully, there was no damage to her vehicle, she wasn't hurt, and by all comparison the damage to my car was minimal. I'll need a new bumper, rear quarter panel and trunk, but it could've been a lot worse. We exchanged insurance information and I headed on to work. My day was still good, despite it all.

About two hours later I realized I was experiencing some stiffness in my neck and back. Under the advice of her insurance company I went to the ER over at Medical City Dallas to be checked out. They were wonderful, and I was diagnosed with a cervical sprain and given some antinflammatory and muscle relaxers, and sent home. Boy, did I NOT know what was coming.

When I got home I took the meds and went to sleep. That's when I became the angriest person I've ever known. Brent kept calling because he had to go down to Hillsboro and he wanted to check on me but I was having none of it. When he finally got home around 8pm I could not wake up for anything, but somehow managed to ask for chicken fried rice from my favorite Chinese restaurant. And was very mean, so I'm told. This morning he told me he thought I had a concussion but I doubt it. Needless to say, I won't be taking any more of those meds!!

So aside from a little stiffness this morning, I'm not half bad. My car should be in the shop today or tomorrow to be fixed and life will resume as normal. The girl that hit me called to check on me, which I thought was really sweet. I felt really bad for her, I know it probably had something to do with the sun being right in her eyes.

Love, KC

Oct 29, 2009

The Unbearable Wait . . .

You'd think being in our third month of "trying to conceive" I'd be getting used to the waiting game. I'm not. Moreover, Brent is almost more impatient about the matter than I am.

Never in a million years when we decided to have a baby did I think it would take three months, or more. We both thought it would happen immediately. I guess at some point everyone who begins this journey feels that way, and I'm now part of that exclusive club if you will. I've become borderline obsessed with everything I can find online to help with this process, which ultimately is most likely just stressing me out more. LOL

Oh well, just needed to vent for a moment. Monday November 2nd is the magic day this month, and I think Brent has a mental calendar going - at least, he asks just about every day.

Hoping this is our month . . .

Love, KC

Oct 16, 2009

The Decision to Go Natural

When most women of today decide that they want to have a child, at least in my experience, almost the first thing you hear is, “Bring on the drugs!” It’s like it’s the most natural thing in the world to have an epidural and not be able to feel the pain of your child coming into the world. Ever since I really decided to have a baby the idea of being drugged up just scares me.

Let me preface this by saying – I know you all think I’m a wimp. And sure, maybe I was as a child, but the older I’ve gotten the tougher I’ve become both mentally and physically. It’s been a long progression and maybe not always a great one, but somehow I believe it was to lead me to this point. Hell, I have eleven tattoos; surely I can handle almost anything, right? I chose to endure that pain for a beautiful result, and while childbirth is no doubt that pain times one hundred, it’s also for a beautiful result.

Making the decision to have a natural childbirth was, like most things in my life this year, not really a decision at all. I’m not quite sure when it first began, but I do know that reading Pacing the Panic Room helped to solidify the decision, as well as lead me to a multitude of great resources. Brent is firmly against a home birth at this point, and I don’t have my mind really made up, but I’m hoping that watching The Business of Being Born will help us both.

What I do know for certain is that I don’t want an epidural or a hospital for that matter unless medically necessary. After my recent experience with the OB, I think that I would feel much more comfortable with a Certified Nurse Midwife. I want to be able to labor at my pace, in a calm and comfortable environment when the baby is ready and not be induced because my doctor has a golf game at 11am. I don’t want to be hooked up to IVs and have a monitor screwed into my child’s head in utero.

Crazy? Maybe to some. But a growing number of women are going back to the way God intended it. Natural. So that’s my goal. It won’t be an easy journey, this much I know for sure, but I am so very confident in my choice and know that it will be what’s best for my baby. Fortunately there are so many resources available in my area, and I’ve already scoped out a birthing center near my home.

For me this year has been about the happiest time of my life, learning and trusting and coming to terms with a faith I don’t really think I ever possessed before. God will only give me as much as I can handle, so I will leave it up to Him. Maybe that’s why we’re not pregnant yet. There’s been so much going on that we really haven’t had the time – at least that’s what I’m telling myself.

We’re ready now, God. Ready when you are.

Love, Us

Oct 7, 2009

It's Official!!

Well, after months of waiting . . . WE'RE ENGAGED!! Yup, finally happened. Of course it was never a question of IF it was going to happen, simply WHEN.

Brent picked a fight with me the day before about it, trying to throw me off he said, and I was really heated all day. It was my Mom's birthday, and I needed to go buy her a present and since I was forbidden to enter my own house, what better opportunity to shop??

I arrived home around 5:45pm to dimmed lights and Brent dressed up, with cologne on. Like that wasn't supposed to raise my suspicions. I assumed he was just trying to make up for being so mean to me all day and went about sulking while he cooked dinner. Braeden hadn't had a nap that day so he'd managed to get him to sleep on the way home, and that kid slept until 6pm. He was cranky when he got up, but crawled up in my lap and we slept for another half hour.

Dinner was served and I was still feeling pityful. We'd all been sick for the last week so that didn't help matters much. Brent cooked some amazing chicken and green beans on the grill, one of my favorites. When we were finished I was told to wait at the table with my eyes closed, while LB got me a "surprise". I heard him say my "Marry Surprise" and couldn't help but grin.

LB came running to the table saying, "Here Kirbe!" and Brent qued up his favorite song for me, Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts, as Braeden handed me a ring. It was awesome. I opened my eyes and saw this:

How can you say no to that? Of course I didn't! Brent got down on one knee and said some really sweet, sappy things that I'll keep between us. I was overjoyed, and couldn't wait to share with everyone.

We've picked January 18, 2010 as the date - one year to the day of our first real date. Now the planning begins!

Love, Us

Oct 4, 2009

27th Annual James Gang Family Reunion

Just a quick post about family reunion this year . . .

It was Brent and Braeden's first introduction to most of my family - as well as the added pressure of being Family President. We decided to provide BBQ for Friday night and spent nearly 36 hours smoking meat beforehand. A whopping 35 pounds of brisket and pulled pork. Everyone loved it and Brent was a hero.

Being President was much easier than I thought it would be. All in all I just made sure we ate on time, said grace before meals and conducted the meeting on Saturday. My cousin Chad and his wife Nichole get the honor for next year.

Braeden had an absolute blast! I wish I would have taken pictures but there was just too much going on. That child stayed dirty from the time we arrived until his bath Saturday night - and only then because it flooded overnight and we had to leave early Sunday. I'm so glad he got to spend so much time just being TWO, and being a boy and just being free. It's something I've realized as I've gotten older that I really took for granted as a child.

Even though we made for an early departure Sunday morning, it was wonderful to see my family again. It's the only time I see most of them, except for my Dad's brothers and their families. It was especially great to see my cousin David Wayne, who I haven't seen in almost ten years - and who hasn't changed one bit.

Til next year . . .

Love, Me

Sep 18, 2009


When we decided to board this baby train, we thought it’d be so very easy. Lord knows, if we could have wished ourselves pregnant it would have happened a hundred times over in the first couple of days. But, we did our best to be patient and silently prayed that we were one of the lucky few that struck gold on the first try. Amidst this all we could talk about were babies . . . names, furniture, toys, discipline, the works. You get yourself so hyped up that when you find out you missed the mark, your world suddenly deflates like a balloon.

For those of us who have never had (diagnosed) fertility problems, pregnancy is thought to be easy. Have sex for a few days before you ovulate and PRESTO! BABY! As nervous as I was at first I was finally ready for this to happen, and so I was utterly disappointed when I realized I was getting my period. Brent has been convinced since about a week into this process that I was pregnant. All of the signs were there and you could just feel the excited energy in our house. Then, on Saturday night, I noticed what I thought was spotting. It was very, very light and I knew it was one of two things. Since my period always starts first thing in the morning I hoped-Hoped-HOPED it was a sign and went to bed giddy as a school girl.

Waking up Sunday morning I was crushed. I spent the morning so very sick with my trashcan in my lap that I held onto a string of hope I could still be pregnant. It became abundantly clear though as the day wore on that I was not. So on Monday I decided to go to the doctor and make sure everything was normal by comparison and sure enough, it was. I could tell I was ovulating out of my right ovary just by looking, and since that is where most of my discomfort comes from every month. And, as it turns out, withdrawal from my migraine meds is what caused the pseudo-pregnancy symptoms. I told him we wouldn’t be back until I had good news.

As sad as I was, I think maybe Brent was a little more distraught. My heart hurt for him almost worse than for myself, especially when a couple of days later he said, “I’m just ready. Ready to be married and ready to have lots of babies.”

I’m ready too.

Sep 8, 2009

Jumping on the Train

At some point I realized that I was intentionally not writing anymore, not because there was nothing to write about, but because there was new, exciting news that I badly wanted to share but not in a public forum. Then it occurred to me that no one read anyway so I may as well put it out there.

Brent and I have always talked about having babies, how we want five or six children and would love if they were all boys – but hopefully one little girl, otherwise I may have a boy with painted toenails. We’ve gone as far as picking out nearly all of the names and the order in which they will be named. Obsessed? Maybe. But it’s just a testament to how sure we are about this life we’re living, and how anxious we are to start our family. Even so, we had agreed very early on to a three year plan: married after a year (even though we probably would have been married shortly after our second date had it been up to us), and babies after three years. By that point LB would be five and we would have had sufficient time to ourselves.

I’m not quite sure when this plan changed. I think it was gradual, that I woke up one day and realized I was turning 25 soon, and all of the women in my family had their first child at 25. That I have close friends who are pregnant and it increases a mother’s want ten-fold. I had lunch with my dear friend Amanda, who after years of trying is finally pregnant with their first son to be born in October. During the course of conversation she assured me many times that all of her friends who wanted to become pregnant had done just that within a month of her pregnancy. Somewhere in that logic the real reason hit me: what if it takes me that long to have a baby? My mother tried for seven years to have me, and had all but given up hope when I became the miracle baby. It terrifies me to think that I could have the same issues, and if I did, why didn’t I start trying sooner? My choice of career all but dictates that I cannot have a child between the time frame of approximately November 15th and March 1st, because that is the busiest time of year for me and well, I’m the only one who does my job.

So the following weekend, on Sunday night, I was putting a new pack of pills in the case and Brent and I were discussing how if we wanted to get pregnant, it had to be in three month intervals, because that’s how often my medicine came in. We laughed and then Brent said something that caught me off guard.

“We could try now?”

Now, as much as I’d been thinking of this very thing, I never thought he’d come out and say it. We spent two hours sitting in the bed, talking, crying, discussing our concerns; all the while I held my little pink pill in my fingertips. At the end of the night we were okay, but I knew that should we change our mind on Monday, we’d still be okay. He was convinced I’d get pregnant right away, but I was not quite as sure. I was miserably sick for the first week, mostly from fear of this life-changing decision we were making, but little by little, day by day, the fear turned to excitement. This would have been MUCH easier had we just “accidently” gotten pregnant. So we went about our normal routine, with an air of anticipation between us, and talked excitedly about what was to be.

During this, I explained to Brent how there were certain things that I really believed in and wanted in my pregnancy experience. I hope to be able to breastfeed, as much for the cost saving benefits as the fact that it’s what’s best for the baby. He's even been scoping out the best book on the subject for me. I also want to make my own baby food, which is relatively simple and so much healthier than the jarred crap you can buy at the store. Lastly, I really want to cloth diaper. Eyebrows raised at this notion, but once I explained why I wanted to do it, we were quickly all onboard. Long before I ever truly considered pregnancy and found Pacing the Panic Room, I had come across a link for these cool cloth diapers called "Fuzzibunz" on a popular baby blog. Sitting at work I was so engrossed in the website that probably an hour passed before I realized that I had read every page and researched where I could buy this amazing product. You see, LB was only 23 months old when we met and still being diapered. He had horrible diaper rash and we spent a ton of money on disposables – and he was only here a week a month. I vowed then and there, that because I knew I’d never be able to move him to cloth and have his mother go along, that with my babies I would put them in nothing but cloth. My mother even grimaced at this, like many thinking back to the folding and pinning of cloth diapers of yesteryear, but once I showed her the site even she was impressed. How could you not be? No rashes, easy cleanup, better for the environment, and babies who are cloth diapered are even said to potty train quicker (our latest struggle with LB). My want for this all but doubled when I realized that the folks from PtPR were doing this exact thing, and to hear their stories was really encouraging.

With all of our thoughts and concerns laid out on the table, we decided to go ahead and jump on the baby train. So here we are, about 2 ½ weeks into the process, and both anxiously awaiting the next few days to see what happens. Brent seems to think I’m already pregnant; I need concrete proof. He says my crankiness and irritability should be proof enough, since I am never like this. We shall see, can’t wait to find out!

Love, KC

Aug 20, 2009

"One Second After"

Brent and I do a lot of couple-y things, but recently he suggested that we read a book together since that's something we both thoroughly enjoy (and one of the rare times we actually stop talking). I thought it was a nice idea and finished whatever it was I was doing.

It wasn't until my wonderful friend Charlotte suggested the book One Second After by William R. Forstchen that I decided to take Brent up on the idea. I'm not sure what got Charlotte and I started about this book, but the more we talked I couldn't help but want to read it, and I knew it was something that Brent would enjoy as well. We don't typically read the same sort of material so it was going to be a challenge.

During my lunch break I headed to my favorite Half Price Books off of Northwest Highway in Dallas and after hobbling around the Sci-Fi and Fiction sections with no luck, went to the information desk for help. Help = None. The guy basically told me that I had looked where he would and shooed me away. Never one to give up easily, I headed back for one more try and sure enough found the very last hardcover copy, in the Mystery section, for only $7.48 - a steal in my opinion. With that and a couple of other little things I picked up while browsing, I headed to the checkout, pleased with my find.

When I approached Brent with the book, I don't think he was as excited as I was at first. Actually he was more curious about the other book I had purchased for myself and why I had bought it, and not at all interested in the book for us. But, with a little prodding and all the reasons why, he gave in.

One Second After is about, according to the blurb inside the cover, what would happen to us in the instance that an EMP (Electromagnetic Pulse) were detonated. These things are real, and are being built to replace nuclear weapons. The gentleman who wrote the book is a Ph.D. from Purdue with specializations in military history and is very knowledgeable in his field. I think this book will be good for us, because the author sets the story in his hometown, and it says he focused on his family and his daughter when writing it. I'm sure it'll scare the dickens out of me, and Brent will just love the action.

So far we've only read the foreword, which was written by Newt Gingrich, and Chapter One, but the stage has been set. Last night I read, and tonight is Brent's turn. Hopefully we can actually do this on a nightly basis, and not make excuses for being too tired the way we do with movies, and really finish this project. I'm anxious to see how the book ends, and see how long it takes us.

I'll let you know.

Love, KC

Aug 19, 2009


It takes a couple of days after LB leaves for life to resume a sense of normalcy, and for us to somewhat get over being sad that he’s gone again. Every single time it gets harder, and I’m waiting for the time that it gets easier, but I see no end to the pattern. I suppose that’s a good thing.

This time I’m dealing with a potentially broken foot, which happened during our move, and which I have mostly refused to treat. It wasn’t until it hurt so badly to wear shoes I decided to visit the doctor and he ordered me into the boot, which Brent insists I wear. All I have to say to that is – grrrrrrr.

At any rate, when LB came this time we had quite a bit of fun, as we always do, and embarked on some new adventures. There is a park in our new neighborhood, within walking distance, so one day Aunt Erin came over and we went and checked it out. Nicely shaded, swings, lots of things to climb on, but it was simply too hot. We only lasted about half an hour, but the kids had fun, and really that’s all that matters.

On Wednesday, we took LB to the circus. Neither Brent nor I had been since we were little kids ourselves, so we were just as excited as he was, even though he didn’t quite know what “circus” was, except that it involved elephants and other various animals. I’m not sure who had more fun – LB, or Brent and I watching him be so excited, dancing and clapping along. It just made me want to cry tears of happiness. There were motorcycles, lots of singing and dancing, and of course tigers and elephants. He stayed awake the entire time and talked about it for days.

On Saturday we decided to go play Putt-Putt golf with Papa and Gammy (my dad and stepmom) and my nephews Christopher and Brendan. Yet another thing that Brent and I haven’t done in a while, much less together, and we had an absolute blast. We tried to keep score but gave up around hole 7, as LB decided it was his mission to take over on your second putt and blast the ball to the next hole. It was adorable. Honestly, the kid’s a natural and played baseball more than golf, so I can’t wait to see what he does.

Gammy took LB inside to play games while Papa, B, the boys and me rode the go-karts and then we all spent Papa’s money winning tickets. In total we came away with 1800 tickets in about an hour! LB got a tambourine and immediately started singing “Jesus Loves Me”, which is so cute to hear him sing.

We took LB to meet his mom on Sunday, and that’s always tough for us. We hate to see him go, and it always seems like his time with us is far too short and far between. This time it really is, since he won’t be back until the end of September. But, fortunately for us, he’ll be here for two weeks then since he’s coming specifically for my family reunion.

It can’t get here soon enough.

Love, KC

Aug 4, 2009

The First Step....

In the months since I first created this blog, I've wanted to write about the journey to where we are now -- moving into our first home together. But every time I try to write it just never seems to be the right time. So this will become as good a place to start as any. :-)

We've taken the first big step, and last Friday joined our belongings and moved in together. Our first HOME. In all technicality you could probably say we've been living together since our second date, but after seven months we decided to make it official. It feels no different, except that we have more space and a whole lot of crap to sort through. I mean, how many boxes of Christmas decorations do you really need, and who needs four complete sets of dishes?? Our spare bedroom/office looks like a warzone, and LB's room is not faring so well either. We have until Saturday night to get that set up. I am most excited about him having his own room, where he can play and do his own thing. He doesn't have that anywhere.

At any rate, as we go I'll try and write more often. LB provides a myriad of stories when he's here, not to mention a great deal of pictures. I'm working with this new camera and wanting an upgrade already - Rebel anyone? - so he's a great subject. I'll get some house pictures posted when I can locate the camera in one of the office boxes.

Love, KC

**Update: I found the camera. Here is our new home - and a couple of cute pictures I've taken since we've moved in.

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