Every time I hear that phrase I smile. It is a recurrent theme with our pastor, Ed Young at Fellowship Church, and can be applied to nearly all aspects of life. He even has a dog that he rescued named Level, because he brought him to a WNL. And there starts the grinning . . . :-)
After my last surgery I was still having quite a bit of abdominal pain that my general surgeon was blaming on my ovaries. To be honest I didn’t agree with him but decided to get checked out anyway just in case. As I suspected my ovaries were fine and the new OB/GYN I was seeing didn’t seem to believe that the pain was in any way related to my girlie parts. While I was there we discussed how Brent and I have been trying to conceive for well over a year with no success and I was attributing that to my IH. She suggested that we go ahead and do a blood test to check my hormone levels, just to make sure everything was normal.
As with most things in my life these days, of course my hormones were NOT normal. Go figure. She decided to wait a month and re-test to see if it was just an off day or a real problem, so a few weeks ago I went back and submitted some more blood – and then I waited, for an agonizing ten days. Friday afternoon the doctor’s nurse called me and told me that my progesterone levels were better, but still too low, and that the doctor had offered to let me try Clomid to see if we could get the ball rolling. After giving her my pharmacy information I couldn’t contain my excitement so I called to tell Brent the good, albeit bad, news.
Today I am on day three of the treatment and I feel no different – except that I have significantly increased energy. I suppose that’s a great thing though! There are two more days to go this month, and then we cross all of our fingers and toes and pray that it worked. Part of me wants to be ecstatic and jump for joy, but my more reasonable side says to be patient and not get my hopes up. That’s not to say to lose hope entirely; it’s just that when this first started I spent months feeling like a failure because I couldn’t give my husband a child. By the time the new year rolled around I was consumed with my headaches and put baby-making on the back burner. Now it’s front and center again and I fear the letdown.
Infertility is such a taboo subject in our society but it should not be. There are more women suffering from infertility than women who are not, a growing issue in our society that could be blamed on a million things but mostly boils down to our lifestyle. Some women do everything right and their bodies just don’t cooperate despite their best efforts. There are still others who neglect their bodies entirely and “accidentally” get pregnant. Women find it hard to talk about and find someone who relates to their problems and feelings to people they know and I just think that’s sad.
Do I feel ashamed of my infertility? At times, I suppose. It’s never a nice thing to have to admit, “I can’t get pregnant on my own, no matter how hard I try I just can’t make it happen.” It really does make me feel like I’m failing my husband somehow, this is what we were as women were made to do and I can’t do it. But on the same token, I am willing to take the necessary steps to make it happen. I think that many women could benefit from having someone to talk to about it.
For the first time in my life, I’ve felt jealously towards the pregnant – but not all of them. Mostly just against the teens, the young women who’ve whored themselves around and gotten knocked up by practically sneezing and it’s acceptable. I do realize accidents happen, but sheesh. It’s a hard pill to swallow. Surely there is a lesson in there, somewhere.
Now that I’m off my tangent, I really am anxious to see how the Clomid works. So far I haven’t had any of the side effects that I’ve read about which is great – I just hope it doesn’t mean that it’s not working!
Love, KC
Showing posts with label Brent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Brent. Show all posts
Sep 20, 2010
Sep 2, 2010
Twenty-Six Candles
Twenty-six years ago today, I was blessed with the most awesome parents and family a gal could ask for. In my unbiased opinion, I feel that I’ve lived a pretty amazing life thus far and there is not much more I could ask for. Being as I was the only child for my parents, it’s obvious that I was spoiled – not so much with “things” as with love, because that’s all they had. Times were tough when I was growing up but I was none the wiser, for I had two extremely dedicated parents along with two wonderful stepparents and a slew of grandparents that made sure I knew how great I was.
To this day, my family still makes me feel special on my birthday. It’s not as big a deal as it is when you turn, say, 13, but it’s still nice to know that your family and friends are thinking of you on your day. When I was younger, my mom used to come and wake me up at 2:51am (that’s what time I was born) and sometimes my grandmother and dad would even call me that early. I cherished it. This morning waking up was different, though, because I didn’t feel any older or that any miraculous changes had occurred overnight. My husband by my side and my son in his room, life is pretty grand. I can’t wait for the mornings when we have a slew of kiddos running around the house, jumping on the bed singing, “Happy birthday, Mama!” while my husband is making me breakfast in bed. (Okay, that last part is a stretch!)
Twenty-five was a really BIG year for me, in a lot of respects. Brent and I officially moved in together. Then we got engaged. Then we celebrated our first Christmas as a family, our first Christmas when LB will likely remember Santa. We got married. My headaches got worse. I was diagnosed with IH. I had major brain surgery, and then two more revisions. We realized we were struggling with infertility. LB had eye surgery again. But throughout all of it we made it, and that is what is most important. We have grown and learned so much during this past year that I can’t help but be anything but grateful for this blessed life I’m living.
Today, I turned twenty-six years old. My great-grandmother had my grandmother at 25; my grandmother had my mom at 25 and my mom had me at 25. For as long as I can remember, I was “supposed” to have my first child at 25, too. Obviously that didn’t happen, and before I met Brent I was okay with that – there was no rush! It’s not until you want to have that child that you feel the rush. I feel like I missed the mark. Like I let down the tradition. In a way, I did “have” LB when I was 25, so I guess that is the balance. There’s always got to be balance, right?
So maybe 26 will be my year. It can only get bigger and better from here. :-) A huge thank you to all of my sweet friends and family who have taken time out of their day today to wish me a happy birthday. I sincerely appreciate each and every one of you.
Love, KC
To this day, my family still makes me feel special on my birthday. It’s not as big a deal as it is when you turn, say, 13, but it’s still nice to know that your family and friends are thinking of you on your day. When I was younger, my mom used to come and wake me up at 2:51am (that’s what time I was born) and sometimes my grandmother and dad would even call me that early. I cherished it. This morning waking up was different, though, because I didn’t feel any older or that any miraculous changes had occurred overnight. My husband by my side and my son in his room, life is pretty grand. I can’t wait for the mornings when we have a slew of kiddos running around the house, jumping on the bed singing, “Happy birthday, Mama!” while my husband is making me breakfast in bed. (Okay, that last part is a stretch!)
Twenty-five was a really BIG year for me, in a lot of respects. Brent and I officially moved in together. Then we got engaged. Then we celebrated our first Christmas as a family, our first Christmas when LB will likely remember Santa. We got married. My headaches got worse. I was diagnosed with IH. I had major brain surgery, and then two more revisions. We realized we were struggling with infertility. LB had eye surgery again. But throughout all of it we made it, and that is what is most important. We have grown and learned so much during this past year that I can’t help but be anything but grateful for this blessed life I’m living.
Today, I turned twenty-six years old. My great-grandmother had my grandmother at 25; my grandmother had my mom at 25 and my mom had me at 25. For as long as I can remember, I was “supposed” to have my first child at 25, too. Obviously that didn’t happen, and before I met Brent I was okay with that – there was no rush! It’s not until you want to have that child that you feel the rush. I feel like I missed the mark. Like I let down the tradition. In a way, I did “have” LB when I was 25, so I guess that is the balance. There’s always got to be balance, right?
So maybe 26 will be my year. It can only get bigger and better from here. :-) A huge thank you to all of my sweet friends and family who have taken time out of their day today to wish me a happy birthday. I sincerely appreciate each and every one of you.
Love, KC
Aug 20, 2010
It's Been a Year . . .
It is coming up on the one year anniversary of this little blog, and it’s been neglected I’m afraid.
When I first set it up the intent was to document our journey to babies and we certainly never thought that a year later we’d still be trying. Somehow I imagined that it would happen immediately and I guess you could say that it was that idea that terrified me the most. You decide to have children and expect it to happen right away and when it doesn’t you suffer from a various mix of emotions. For us now it has only further confirmed how ready we are to have more children and make LB a big brother.
Looking back on the situation I can only surmise that God had a plan and as always, knew much better than the two of us did! Who would have thought that I would get so sick with my headaches, find out I had a rare brain disease and have three major brain surgeries – all in a matter of six months? There is absolutely no way my body could have handled a pregnancy before.
We first started trying to conceive at the end of August, and I quit taking not only my birth control pills but also all of my migraine medications and anti-convulsants. It was the first time in over three years that I had been un-medicated for my headaches and at the time I thought I was doing really well. The headaches didn’t seem to be too severe in nature and were only coming a couple times a week at first, and not so badly that a Darvocet couldn’t rid me of the pain. However, the closer we got to year-end the worse things got. Then, on January 3rd I had the worst attack yet that sent the diagnosis-ball rolling.
My original neurologist had me checked for aneurisms and the like only to find nothing. All he wanted to do was continue to medicate me even though the migraines were getting worse and none of the other dozen or so medications he’d tried had worked. In the meantime I did my own research and came across a site for pseudotumor cerebri, or idiopathic intracranial hypertension. When I presented my findings to the neurologist he basically told me I was crazy and threatened me so I found another doctor – my champion, Dr. Herzog. Within five minutes he was in 100% agreement that I needed to be tested for PTC; within a month I was diagnosed and having brain surgery a little more than a month later.
Today I am about four months post-op from the original surgery, and almost two months from my last revision. I haven’t felt this great in many, many years. When I have headaches they are minor and mostly weather related I think. No pressure headaches! However from the final surgery I had been having a lot of abdominal pain as a result of the placement of my shunt catheter so as a precaution I visited a new high-risk OB/GYN to ensure there were no issues. While there I mentioned to her that I had been trying to conceive for about a year with no success and she suggested that I have my progesterone levels checked. As it turns out, they are rather low and most likely the cause of my infertility. For the next couple of months I will have to have it checked to see if it is constant and if it is, what steps we will take.
Going into the diagnosis of PTC I knew that infertility could be an issue. Several of the women who are diagnosed also have PCOS or other symptoms of infertility. It’s wonderful to know that you are not alone in this journey and also to see that there is hope – a lady in our group recently had her first child despite it all. While I know there could be potential complications I am willing to learn as much as I can to avoid them. The only bummer I have experienced is that my doctor all but dashed my hopes of a natural homebirth, saying it is just too risky. I do tend to agree with her, so I think I will focus my sights on a birthing center where I can still be free to roam. One step at a time though.
As much as I promise, I really do need to keep this blog updated. There are so many things I want to share and just don’t make the time. LB is growing so fast and becoming a little man, there are a ton of recipes I’ve been dying to share, and we have expanded our four-legged brood with a kitten. All in due time . . .
Until then,
KC
When I first set it up the intent was to document our journey to babies and we certainly never thought that a year later we’d still be trying. Somehow I imagined that it would happen immediately and I guess you could say that it was that idea that terrified me the most. You decide to have children and expect it to happen right away and when it doesn’t you suffer from a various mix of emotions. For us now it has only further confirmed how ready we are to have more children and make LB a big brother.
Looking back on the situation I can only surmise that God had a plan and as always, knew much better than the two of us did! Who would have thought that I would get so sick with my headaches, find out I had a rare brain disease and have three major brain surgeries – all in a matter of six months? There is absolutely no way my body could have handled a pregnancy before.
We first started trying to conceive at the end of August, and I quit taking not only my birth control pills but also all of my migraine medications and anti-convulsants. It was the first time in over three years that I had been un-medicated for my headaches and at the time I thought I was doing really well. The headaches didn’t seem to be too severe in nature and were only coming a couple times a week at first, and not so badly that a Darvocet couldn’t rid me of the pain. However, the closer we got to year-end the worse things got. Then, on January 3rd I had the worst attack yet that sent the diagnosis-ball rolling.
My original neurologist had me checked for aneurisms and the like only to find nothing. All he wanted to do was continue to medicate me even though the migraines were getting worse and none of the other dozen or so medications he’d tried had worked. In the meantime I did my own research and came across a site for pseudotumor cerebri, or idiopathic intracranial hypertension. When I presented my findings to the neurologist he basically told me I was crazy and threatened me so I found another doctor – my champion, Dr. Herzog. Within five minutes he was in 100% agreement that I needed to be tested for PTC; within a month I was diagnosed and having brain surgery a little more than a month later.
Today I am about four months post-op from the original surgery, and almost two months from my last revision. I haven’t felt this great in many, many years. When I have headaches they are minor and mostly weather related I think. No pressure headaches! However from the final surgery I had been having a lot of abdominal pain as a result of the placement of my shunt catheter so as a precaution I visited a new high-risk OB/GYN to ensure there were no issues. While there I mentioned to her that I had been trying to conceive for about a year with no success and she suggested that I have my progesterone levels checked. As it turns out, they are rather low and most likely the cause of my infertility. For the next couple of months I will have to have it checked to see if it is constant and if it is, what steps we will take.
Going into the diagnosis of PTC I knew that infertility could be an issue. Several of the women who are diagnosed also have PCOS or other symptoms of infertility. It’s wonderful to know that you are not alone in this journey and also to see that there is hope – a lady in our group recently had her first child despite it all. While I know there could be potential complications I am willing to learn as much as I can to avoid them. The only bummer I have experienced is that my doctor all but dashed my hopes of a natural homebirth, saying it is just too risky. I do tend to agree with her, so I think I will focus my sights on a birthing center where I can still be free to roam. One step at a time though.
As much as I promise, I really do need to keep this blog updated. There are so many things I want to share and just don’t make the time. LB is growing so fast and becoming a little man, there are a ton of recipes I’ve been dying to share, and we have expanded our four-legged brood with a kitten. All in due time . . .
Until then,
KC
Jul 1, 2010
Brain Surgery, Part III
It’s all over, finally. At least I hope it is. Two days ago I had my third and final surgery for the VP shunt, the second revision in 10 weeks. Of all three surgeries this was by far the easiest, but I just feel beat up and tired.
When I went in for my pre-admit Tuesday morning, my oxygen levels were at 94% just as Dr. Taylor said they would be; so long as I had that catheter behind my lung I would never get above 95%. Brent and I settled in and just relaxed while I waited for my turn in the operating room, it was just the two of us and I enjoyed it that way. He had to go to work while I was in surgery but I knew he’d be back when I got out and it relieved me of the obligations of having to entertain anyone but myself when it was over.
My favorite anesthesiologist Dr. Flewellen was back this time and he was just the sweetest thing. Once he got my IV going we headed back to the OR. That is probably one of the longest rides, from pre-op to the trauma hall. It was a dreary and rainy morning but that operating room was still bright and cheery with him there. I’ve become way too familiar with the surroundings of that room and I almost wish I could wear my glasses in so that I could see better, see all of the high-tech equipment they use and not just the shadows. Dr. Flewellen wasn’t pleased with how my IV was going so he promised that once I was out he would move it so that I wouldn’t be in any discomfort. He gave me oxygen and the nastiest laughing gas and it took me a while to finally fall asleep.
When I woke up from surgery I was sore but not in pain. I could breathe! My oxygen levels were back to 100% as soon as I woke up. All I wanted was water and my glasses but couldn’t have either. The entire surgery took just about an hour and I was up and alert within half an hour of arriving in recovery. They allowed me to call Brent and tell him I was fine, and that I wanted a large sweet tea and my glasses as soon as he could get there. Apparently I mis-communicated to the nurses and they never called him to come, so when I arrived in my room a little after noon I was all alone. Thankfully I knew his work number so I called him then and decided to take a nap with my friend Morphine until Brent arrived a couple hours later.
Every hour I was up. There was no rest for the weary! The new catheter is placed down low in my pelvis, behind my bladder – which means that all that excess spinal fluid is gathering and putting pressure down there. It felt like a strange combination of menstrual cramps and a bladder infection. I can only imagine what will happen when I get pregnant; I can see myself having to pee every five minutes at this rate! Time passed slowly while I read a book, watched some television and played on the computer. My dear friend Rosie came and saw me for a couple of hours which really just made my night. I miss her!
It wasn’t until 3:30am Wednesday morning that I finally fell asleep. I suppose all the painkillers had the opposite effect on me that I wanted them to. And of course, an hour later I need blood drawn and vitals taken so I was awake until 5:15am that time. All I really wanted was to come home and rest in my own bed. Dr. Taylor and Dr. Coimbra said I did amazing and agreed I could go home so I left there at noon. Brent and I came home and enjoyed a Pirates of the Caribbean marathon and I slept like a rock. However the longer the night progressed, the more discomfort I found myself in so ice packs became my new best friend.
It has now been just over 48 hours since my surgery and I feel a lot better. Something interesting I learned while there: I bring a new meaning to “sleeping like death”, because when I’m asleep my heart rate is around 28 beats per minute. It also makes my blood pressure extremely low to the point that I scare the techs and they feel the necessity to call in the nurse. This has happened all three times I’ve had surgery now and I keep telling them it’s normal. It also seems to explain my craving for salt; my blood pressure drops and the salt helps it rise, so despite the fact that I eat way too much salt for a normal person my blood pressure stays around 112/65 when I’m active. Also, I am borderline hypoglycemic so if I haven’t eaten and am active, I shake like a leaf until I get some food. All things I knew but I find it funny to freak out the nursing staff.
Over the next few days I plan on staying in bed, reading a few good books and wasting my time on the internet. I do have grand ambitions for next week though, including making an apron, pies and spending time with my main little man LB who will be back on Monday. I’ve fancied including spots in this blog for the things I love like cooking, so maybe I’ll work on that. Dr. Taylor warned me to take it easy, as he wouldn’t have the time to see me this weekend as he was going to the fixing the idiots who mishandled fireworks (sounds just like a trauma surgeon, huh?)
To my dear friends who offered their prayers for my niece: she was buried today at 10am surrounded by hundreds of family and friends. I wish I could have attended but it would have been too stressful on my body. My memories with her will always be cherished even though they are few. My family and I appreciate all of your kind words.
Sorry for the ramblings; you can blame the Darvocet.
Love, KC
When I went in for my pre-admit Tuesday morning, my oxygen levels were at 94% just as Dr. Taylor said they would be; so long as I had that catheter behind my lung I would never get above 95%. Brent and I settled in and just relaxed while I waited for my turn in the operating room, it was just the two of us and I enjoyed it that way. He had to go to work while I was in surgery but I knew he’d be back when I got out and it relieved me of the obligations of having to entertain anyone but myself when it was over.
My favorite anesthesiologist Dr. Flewellen was back this time and he was just the sweetest thing. Once he got my IV going we headed back to the OR. That is probably one of the longest rides, from pre-op to the trauma hall. It was a dreary and rainy morning but that operating room was still bright and cheery with him there. I’ve become way too familiar with the surroundings of that room and I almost wish I could wear my glasses in so that I could see better, see all of the high-tech equipment they use and not just the shadows. Dr. Flewellen wasn’t pleased with how my IV was going so he promised that once I was out he would move it so that I wouldn’t be in any discomfort. He gave me oxygen and the nastiest laughing gas and it took me a while to finally fall asleep.
When I woke up from surgery I was sore but not in pain. I could breathe! My oxygen levels were back to 100% as soon as I woke up. All I wanted was water and my glasses but couldn’t have either. The entire surgery took just about an hour and I was up and alert within half an hour of arriving in recovery. They allowed me to call Brent and tell him I was fine, and that I wanted a large sweet tea and my glasses as soon as he could get there. Apparently I mis-communicated to the nurses and they never called him to come, so when I arrived in my room a little after noon I was all alone. Thankfully I knew his work number so I called him then and decided to take a nap with my friend Morphine until Brent arrived a couple hours later.
Every hour I was up. There was no rest for the weary! The new catheter is placed down low in my pelvis, behind my bladder – which means that all that excess spinal fluid is gathering and putting pressure down there. It felt like a strange combination of menstrual cramps and a bladder infection. I can only imagine what will happen when I get pregnant; I can see myself having to pee every five minutes at this rate! Time passed slowly while I read a book, watched some television and played on the computer. My dear friend Rosie came and saw me for a couple of hours which really just made my night. I miss her!
It wasn’t until 3:30am Wednesday morning that I finally fell asleep. I suppose all the painkillers had the opposite effect on me that I wanted them to. And of course, an hour later I need blood drawn and vitals taken so I was awake until 5:15am that time. All I really wanted was to come home and rest in my own bed. Dr. Taylor and Dr. Coimbra said I did amazing and agreed I could go home so I left there at noon. Brent and I came home and enjoyed a Pirates of the Caribbean marathon and I slept like a rock. However the longer the night progressed, the more discomfort I found myself in so ice packs became my new best friend.
It has now been just over 48 hours since my surgery and I feel a lot better. Something interesting I learned while there: I bring a new meaning to “sleeping like death”, because when I’m asleep my heart rate is around 28 beats per minute. It also makes my blood pressure extremely low to the point that I scare the techs and they feel the necessity to call in the nurse. This has happened all three times I’ve had surgery now and I keep telling them it’s normal. It also seems to explain my craving for salt; my blood pressure drops and the salt helps it rise, so despite the fact that I eat way too much salt for a normal person my blood pressure stays around 112/65 when I’m active. Also, I am borderline hypoglycemic so if I haven’t eaten and am active, I shake like a leaf until I get some food. All things I knew but I find it funny to freak out the nursing staff.
Over the next few days I plan on staying in bed, reading a few good books and wasting my time on the internet. I do have grand ambitions for next week though, including making an apron, pies and spending time with my main little man LB who will be back on Monday. I’ve fancied including spots in this blog for the things I love like cooking, so maybe I’ll work on that. Dr. Taylor warned me to take it easy, as he wouldn’t have the time to see me this weekend as he was going to the fixing the idiots who mishandled fireworks (sounds just like a trauma surgeon, huh?)
To my dear friends who offered their prayers for my niece: she was buried today at 10am surrounded by hundreds of family and friends. I wish I could have attended but it would have been too stressful on my body. My memories with her will always be cherished even though they are few. My family and I appreciate all of your kind words.
Sorry for the ramblings; you can blame the Darvocet.
Love, KC
Apr 16, 2010
A Means to an End
Today I met for the first time with my neurosurgeon, Dr. Coimbra. I will admit that Brent was unimpressed, but we’ll get to that later. As soon as I knew who I was seeing a couple of weeks ago I began Googling everything I could on him – and to be honest, what I found was 50/50. For everything I read he is incredibly skilled in his profession but his bedside manner is, well, lacking. Despite this fact I made my appointment and decided to give him a go.
Beside manner is definitely an issue – but I can attribute it to two things I noticed about him: he appears to be very shy, but he also is damn good at what he does and he is very upfront and honest. This was Brent’s problem with him, he didn’t think that he was very approachable and he was very cut and dry. For me though, I thought it just fine. Here’s why: I’m not interviewing candidates for best friend here. This is a man who is going to cut into my brain and hopefully eradicate my headaches for good. Who cares if he’s shy, he’s a stud in the operating room and that’s all that matters to me. The man taught at UT Southwestern for almost two decades and has written and/or supervised so many studies on shunts it’s amazing – not to mention the number he puts in on a regular basis. This is the guy I want in my corner, and the rest will work itself out.
So that’s the verdict of today: both Dr. Coimbra and Dr. Herzog believe I’m an excellent candidate for a shunt procedure given my history of unsuccessful lumbar punctures and drug intolerance. More specifically, I’ll be having a VP (ventriculoperitoneal) shunt placed, which will go in just above my right ear with a catheter leading from it down behind my ear and down my right side into my stomach. It sounds scary and it is, a little, but I’ve researched my little heart out and I know the risks involved – but more importantly I KNOW that this is what must be done in order for me to have the chance at a “normal” existence with no more headaches.
Brent hasn’t come to terms with this yet and I don’t blame him, but I know it will come with time and right now he’s just worried sick. Next week I should hear from the surgeon’s office regarding scheduling but I have no clue how soon this will take place – my guess is by the end of April. I do appreciate every single one of you who have said an extra prayer for me and my family, we are truly blessed.
Stay tuned for updates, and in the meantime enjoy this little bit I found on the procedure. Oh, and please, if you or someone you know suffers from this dreadful disease or you'd just like to learn more, check out the IHRFoundation, the only organization in the world dedicated to finding a cure for this disease. http://www.ihrfoundation.org/
Love, KC
Beside manner is definitely an issue – but I can attribute it to two things I noticed about him: he appears to be very shy, but he also is damn good at what he does and he is very upfront and honest. This was Brent’s problem with him, he didn’t think that he was very approachable and he was very cut and dry. For me though, I thought it just fine. Here’s why: I’m not interviewing candidates for best friend here. This is a man who is going to cut into my brain and hopefully eradicate my headaches for good. Who cares if he’s shy, he’s a stud in the operating room and that’s all that matters to me. The man taught at UT Southwestern for almost two decades and has written and/or supervised so many studies on shunts it’s amazing – not to mention the number he puts in on a regular basis. This is the guy I want in my corner, and the rest will work itself out.
So that’s the verdict of today: both Dr. Coimbra and Dr. Herzog believe I’m an excellent candidate for a shunt procedure given my history of unsuccessful lumbar punctures and drug intolerance. More specifically, I’ll be having a VP (ventriculoperitoneal) shunt placed, which will go in just above my right ear with a catheter leading from it down behind my ear and down my right side into my stomach. It sounds scary and it is, a little, but I’ve researched my little heart out and I know the risks involved – but more importantly I KNOW that this is what must be done in order for me to have the chance at a “normal” existence with no more headaches.
Brent hasn’t come to terms with this yet and I don’t blame him, but I know it will come with time and right now he’s just worried sick. Next week I should hear from the surgeon’s office regarding scheduling but I have no clue how soon this will take place – my guess is by the end of April. I do appreciate every single one of you who have said an extra prayer for me and my family, we are truly blessed.
Stay tuned for updates, and in the meantime enjoy this little bit I found on the procedure. Oh, and please, if you or someone you know suffers from this dreadful disease or you'd just like to learn more, check out the IHRFoundation, the only organization in the world dedicated to finding a cure for this disease. http://www.ihrfoundation.org/
Love, KC
Apr 15, 2010
The Eyes Have It
Yesterday I meet with my neuro-ophthalmologist, Dr. Harrington, to follow up from my recent OCT & VER tests. I was very anxious leading up to the visit because I knew that I had problems with my eyesight and I was in fear of needing the optic nerve sheath fenestration – where they cut a slit in your optic nerve to allow the pressure to drain out behind your eye. However when I got there he actually had good news!
He confirmed that I have bilateral papilledema – which is swelling of the optic nerves in both eyes. That being said, he said that he didn’t want to go forth with the ONSF surgery unless my neurosurgeon thought it necessary. You see, the ONSF has a 50/50 success rate and for some people it helps – but for some it does nothing. In Dr. Harrington’s opinion, if Dr. Coimbra deems it necessary for a shunt (which he believes he will) then the shunt will fix the papilledema and there’s no need for two procedures. Can you say YAY!?
So tomorrow I meet with my neurosurgeon, Dr. Coimbra at 10am. Hopefully this will be one of the last appointments I have to endure for a good while. I’m still having daily headaches and my vision seems to be getting worse, if that’s possible.
On a better note, this past Monday was my husband’s 26th birthday and we celebrated by spending the day at the Fort Worth Zoo. Last year we took LB for his 2nd birthday and it was amazing to us to see how much he’s changed in that time period. You notice it, subtly, but when you look at pictures it’s night and day. My little man is growing up too fast!
Until next time, KC
He confirmed that I have bilateral papilledema – which is swelling of the optic nerves in both eyes. That being said, he said that he didn’t want to go forth with the ONSF surgery unless my neurosurgeon thought it necessary. You see, the ONSF has a 50/50 success rate and for some people it helps – but for some it does nothing. In Dr. Harrington’s opinion, if Dr. Coimbra deems it necessary for a shunt (which he believes he will) then the shunt will fix the papilledema and there’s no need for two procedures. Can you say YAY!?
So tomorrow I meet with my neurosurgeon, Dr. Coimbra at 10am. Hopefully this will be one of the last appointments I have to endure for a good while. I’m still having daily headaches and my vision seems to be getting worse, if that’s possible.
On a better note, this past Monday was my husband’s 26th birthday and we celebrated by spending the day at the Fort Worth Zoo. Last year we took LB for his 2nd birthday and it was amazing to us to see how much he’s changed in that time period. You notice it, subtly, but when you look at pictures it’s night and day. My little man is growing up too fast!
Until next time, KC
Apr 8, 2010
Playing Catch-Up
I’ve been a bad blogger this week. There has been so much going on and I just haven’t had the time or the energy to get it out, so here goes.
Last Thursday, on the wonderful April Fool’s day, I had my second lumbar puncture done. Going in I didn’t have too bad of a headache but I was very anxious to get it done and have three glorious days like I did the first time. However my body had other plans, apparently. Waking up from the anesthesia was a lot more difficult and I really felt drugged, not to mention that my headache was WORSE! My opening pressure was also higher this time at 390mm/H20 and so my best guess is that my body was adjusting to having so much spinal fluid taken out. When we got home I actually took a really great nap, about four hours and I think it was because I got to sleep on my side this time. The nurse said that as long as I kept my legs straight and put a pillow between them I’d be fine so I did and it made a tremendous difference.
When I woke up Friday morning I was fully anticipating no headache but I was sadly mistaken as it was worse than Thursday. Hoping that it was a spinal headache I spent most of the day in the bed but laying down didn’t seem to help; I was also suffering from what I assumed to be sinus/allergies and though that could be the cause of the headache so I took Sudafed all day. Nothing helped! When the doctor called to check on me she suggested I drink all the caffeine that I could but since we don’t keep it in the house I was screwed and had to wait on Brent to get home to bring me some. My mother kindly reminded me that I could drink coffee so I made a whole pot, added sugar and cream and put it in the fridge – managing to consume two quarts of coffee in 24 hours.
Saturday morning was still worse and to top it off the mild fever I’d run all Friday night was creeping up which made me pretty nervous. Tired of being cooped up in the house I ventured out to Wal-Mart in the morning and got stuff for Easter but it really wore me out. After I got home I sat on the couch and colored three dozen eggs and watched Discovery Health all day, feeling worse by the minute. After Brent got home we decided to go back to Wal-Mart for some Tylenol as my fever was up to 100.9 at this point and if it hit 101 I was to call the doctor – and I didn’t want that. I was really hopeful that I would feel better Sunday morning because I wanted so badly to go to the Easter service at church, and I had a ton of cooking and places to visit. Brent put his foot down though, and said he wouldn’t wake me up to go and if I woke up on my own we’d do our thing.
I woke up at 10:00am – church started at 9:30am. So much for that. I still felt like crap and was trying Sudafed Sinus/Allergy as well as prescription decongestants because I could NOT breathe out the right side of my nose if I sat down; I was fine standing but as soon as I sat all bets were off. Brent had put a lovely brisket on the smoker the night before and so I got up, showered and started cooking for his parent’s house. We left for my Dad’s house about 1:15pm and had a great time with family and enjoyed awesome food. My new baby cousin Landon stole my heart with his Eskimo hair and I just wanted to gobble him up! We both realized how much we still want a baby and thoroughly enjoyed playing with little Landon. After that we went to Brent’s parent’s house and ate even more food and watched The Blind Side – what an amazing movie! We didn’t get home until after 10:30pm Sunday and I was exhausted.
I didn’t have a headache Monday or Tuesday, just pains, but it was back on Wednesday. We broke down and bought a ceiling fan on Monday and Brent and I installed it – twice – and have been so happy to have it as we like our bedroom cold. Tuesday I called Dr. Herzog’s office asking for the name of the neurosurgeon I was to be referred to and found it would be Dr. Caetano Coimbra. Can’t find much information on him but they should be calling by Friday to schedule my appointment with him and I am very excited.
So that’s pretty much it. My headache is back in full swing, Wednesday sucked royally and Thursday is headed that way too. I am so tired of waking up feeling like I got hit by a truck, I just don’t know how to fix it. Sleeping has been a real challenge since this LP because my back is still numb; it doesn’t hurt exactly, but it feels like someone is pushing really hard against that expanse of my back and it’s very uncomfortable.
For the good news: LB will be here Sunday! This week will start our two weeks on / two weeks off routine. We will exchange him every other Sunday so that our time will be shared equally and we can see him as much as possible until he starts school. I can’t even begin to explain how excited we are about this. Monday is my husband’s birthday and so we are taking the day off and spending it at the zoo – weather permitting, since now it’s supposed to rain. Plus, it’ll be a treat for LB since he’s having to have another CBC done that morning and will most likely hate me for a while.
It occurred to me that I have failed miserably on the promise of posting pictures so I need to get on that. Maybe I’ll figure out how to post an extra tab with just pictures.
Until next time, KC
Last Thursday, on the wonderful April Fool’s day, I had my second lumbar puncture done. Going in I didn’t have too bad of a headache but I was very anxious to get it done and have three glorious days like I did the first time. However my body had other plans, apparently. Waking up from the anesthesia was a lot more difficult and I really felt drugged, not to mention that my headache was WORSE! My opening pressure was also higher this time at 390mm/H20 and so my best guess is that my body was adjusting to having so much spinal fluid taken out. When we got home I actually took a really great nap, about four hours and I think it was because I got to sleep on my side this time. The nurse said that as long as I kept my legs straight and put a pillow between them I’d be fine so I did and it made a tremendous difference.
When I woke up Friday morning I was fully anticipating no headache but I was sadly mistaken as it was worse than Thursday. Hoping that it was a spinal headache I spent most of the day in the bed but laying down didn’t seem to help; I was also suffering from what I assumed to be sinus/allergies and though that could be the cause of the headache so I took Sudafed all day. Nothing helped! When the doctor called to check on me she suggested I drink all the caffeine that I could but since we don’t keep it in the house I was screwed and had to wait on Brent to get home to bring me some. My mother kindly reminded me that I could drink coffee so I made a whole pot, added sugar and cream and put it in the fridge – managing to consume two quarts of coffee in 24 hours.
Saturday morning was still worse and to top it off the mild fever I’d run all Friday night was creeping up which made me pretty nervous. Tired of being cooped up in the house I ventured out to Wal-Mart in the morning and got stuff for Easter but it really wore me out. After I got home I sat on the couch and colored three dozen eggs and watched Discovery Health all day, feeling worse by the minute. After Brent got home we decided to go back to Wal-Mart for some Tylenol as my fever was up to 100.9 at this point and if it hit 101 I was to call the doctor – and I didn’t want that. I was really hopeful that I would feel better Sunday morning because I wanted so badly to go to the Easter service at church, and I had a ton of cooking and places to visit. Brent put his foot down though, and said he wouldn’t wake me up to go and if I woke up on my own we’d do our thing.
I woke up at 10:00am – church started at 9:30am. So much for that. I still felt like crap and was trying Sudafed Sinus/Allergy as well as prescription decongestants because I could NOT breathe out the right side of my nose if I sat down; I was fine standing but as soon as I sat all bets were off. Brent had put a lovely brisket on the smoker the night before and so I got up, showered and started cooking for his parent’s house. We left for my Dad’s house about 1:15pm and had a great time with family and enjoyed awesome food. My new baby cousin Landon stole my heart with his Eskimo hair and I just wanted to gobble him up! We both realized how much we still want a baby and thoroughly enjoyed playing with little Landon. After that we went to Brent’s parent’s house and ate even more food and watched The Blind Side – what an amazing movie! We didn’t get home until after 10:30pm Sunday and I was exhausted.
I didn’t have a headache Monday or Tuesday, just pains, but it was back on Wednesday. We broke down and bought a ceiling fan on Monday and Brent and I installed it – twice – and have been so happy to have it as we like our bedroom cold. Tuesday I called Dr. Herzog’s office asking for the name of the neurosurgeon I was to be referred to and found it would be Dr. Caetano Coimbra. Can’t find much information on him but they should be calling by Friday to schedule my appointment with him and I am very excited.
So that’s pretty much it. My headache is back in full swing, Wednesday sucked royally and Thursday is headed that way too. I am so tired of waking up feeling like I got hit by a truck, I just don’t know how to fix it. Sleeping has been a real challenge since this LP because my back is still numb; it doesn’t hurt exactly, but it feels like someone is pushing really hard against that expanse of my back and it’s very uncomfortable.
For the good news: LB will be here Sunday! This week will start our two weeks on / two weeks off routine. We will exchange him every other Sunday so that our time will be shared equally and we can see him as much as possible until he starts school. I can’t even begin to explain how excited we are about this. Monday is my husband’s birthday and so we are taking the day off and spending it at the zoo – weather permitting, since now it’s supposed to rain. Plus, it’ll be a treat for LB since he’s having to have another CBC done that morning and will most likely hate me for a while.
It occurred to me that I have failed miserably on the promise of posting pictures so I need to get on that. Maybe I’ll figure out how to post an extra tab with just pictures.
Until next time, KC
Mar 26, 2010
A Not-So-Good Day
Not-so-good is an understatement I suppose. More like IT SUCKED. I was rudely awoken from my sleep at 1:15am with a throbbing headache very similar to the one I had on Sunday. Only this time it was accompanied with horrendous nausea and for the life of me I couldn't fall back asleep. After tossing and turning for two hours I finally got up to use the restroom and that only seemed to intensify the throb. So two more hours in and I was still awake so I begged Brent to get me an icepack from the freezer. Normally that would help at least a little bit but no such luck. Finally just before 6:30am I woke him up and told him that I thought I needed to go to the emergency room - I was beyond desperate at this point. We got ready and I sat in my closet on the floor crying trying to put on my boots because I felt so ridiculous.
It was decided that we'd go to Baylor Dallas instead of a hospital in Fort Worth because I knew that my neurologist was on the board of directors there and I really hoped that would get me the help I needed. I didn't think I was going to make it there, I was soooo nauseated. When we finally arrived about 8am they checked me right in and as I'd been warned I got a "you have what?" when they asked why I was there. After explaining it to no less than six people they sent in a nursing student to give me my IV.
Now I know they have to learn somehow but let me tell you this poor girl was all nerves, couldn't find a vein in my right arm (even I can do that) and when she got to my left arm she butchered me. Poor Brent, he couldn't even watch. At any rate they gave me 2mg of Dilaudid and that really seemed to help - I'd never had it before but heard a lot about it on the DailyStrength board I've come to love. Only downside was that it seemed to make my nausea worse so they brought me something for it and couldn't get it in fast enough, I'd had nothing to eat so dry-heaving into the little blue bag was almost worse than actually throwing up. Whatever they gave me didn't work and so I really got sick, all over my bed. This frustrated me because we had to call three times to get a clean sheet but it turned out no one was ever contacting my nurse.
As soon as I got sick the Dilaudid wore off and so they gave me 2mg more and the cycle repeated itself, this time with Zofran for the nausea which still didn't work. My pain level was down to about a 7 so I felt okay to go home if they'd just keep me from throwing up a fifth time, so they said it was okay to take more Zofran and Darovcet and I got to leave about 3pm. Riding home was horrible but we made it and of course, when I got home I couldn't sleep so here I am. :-)
In the midst of all this I did manage to call both my neurologist and my LP doctor. Thankfully I'll be getting another lumbar puncture at 8am on Thursday and I am so ready, even if it only helps for a few days. The hope is that this one will reboot my system into recognizing what a normal CSF pressure is, otherwise I'll meet with a neurosurgeon to discuss the shunt surgery option. I have to say that the pain that I had Sunday and today seemed to be the worst yet so I hope it wasn't caused by the LP.
Sorry if this rambled but I am drugged and tired and hungry at this point. Let's just pray that tomorrow is a better day.
Love, KC
It was decided that we'd go to Baylor Dallas instead of a hospital in Fort Worth because I knew that my neurologist was on the board of directors there and I really hoped that would get me the help I needed. I didn't think I was going to make it there, I was soooo nauseated. When we finally arrived about 8am they checked me right in and as I'd been warned I got a "you have what?" when they asked why I was there. After explaining it to no less than six people they sent in a nursing student to give me my IV.
Now I know they have to learn somehow but let me tell you this poor girl was all nerves, couldn't find a vein in my right arm (even I can do that) and when she got to my left arm she butchered me. Poor Brent, he couldn't even watch. At any rate they gave me 2mg of Dilaudid and that really seemed to help - I'd never had it before but heard a lot about it on the DailyStrength board I've come to love. Only downside was that it seemed to make my nausea worse so they brought me something for it and couldn't get it in fast enough, I'd had nothing to eat so dry-heaving into the little blue bag was almost worse than actually throwing up. Whatever they gave me didn't work and so I really got sick, all over my bed. This frustrated me because we had to call three times to get a clean sheet but it turned out no one was ever contacting my nurse.
As soon as I got sick the Dilaudid wore off and so they gave me 2mg more and the cycle repeated itself, this time with Zofran for the nausea which still didn't work. My pain level was down to about a 7 so I felt okay to go home if they'd just keep me from throwing up a fifth time, so they said it was okay to take more Zofran and Darovcet and I got to leave about 3pm. Riding home was horrible but we made it and of course, when I got home I couldn't sleep so here I am. :-)
In the midst of all this I did manage to call both my neurologist and my LP doctor. Thankfully I'll be getting another lumbar puncture at 8am on Thursday and I am so ready, even if it only helps for a few days. The hope is that this one will reboot my system into recognizing what a normal CSF pressure is, otherwise I'll meet with a neurosurgeon to discuss the shunt surgery option. I have to say that the pain that I had Sunday and today seemed to be the worst yet so I hope it wasn't caused by the LP.
Sorry if this rambled but I am drugged and tired and hungry at this point. Let's just pray that tomorrow is a better day.
Love, KC
Mar 24, 2010
A Definitive Diagnosis
Yesterday morning I had my follow-up with Dr. Herzog, my new neurologist. Actually we met with Josie, one of his assistants, and she was equally great. We were a little late because of traffic so it took us almost two hours to get there. I have been incredibly nauseated since Sunday and so riding in a car is not fun for me at all.
Speaking of Sunday, it was horrible. We had to take LB home which is bad enough but I woke up with a headache. Well Saturday I woke up with a headache and severe nausea so I took a Zofran and went in to work at the store. The headache never got any better or worse but the nausea let up just a smidge so I could go to my baby cousin Jack’s first birthday party. We got to bed early Saturday night after a rough evening with LB and I didn’t sleep very well, hence the Sunday morning headache. Like an idiot I chose to drive the entire way to Perry, all 4.75 hours of traffic when I knew I needed to pull off but couldn’t find a good on/off exit. Brent wasn’t happy with me.
When we finally got to Perry and when I got out of the car I was swimming. I took LB to use the potty and as soon as I squatted down to help him it felt like I was hit with a hammer. It’s bad when a three year old asks if you’re okay. When we finished I ordered some sweet tea and sat down at the table so we could discuss visitation with LB’s mom. We didn’t wind up leaving until 5:30pm and I could’ve sworn I was dying. I know I can’t die from this but I wasn’t sure that I couldn’t have a seizure – that’s how bad I was hurting. No clue what a seizure is like but that had to be the next step, and I refused to take pain medicine for fear of a rebound headache and besides that shit doesn’t work anyhow. I strongly considered having Brent drive me straight to the ER at Baylor Dallas and begging for a lumbar puncture but felt bad about leaving the dogs longer than necessary (my priorities are too motherly). After some meditated breathing I finally dozed off.
Monday morning was the same scenario, extreme nausea but a slightly less painful headache. I made the drive into work and after walking into the office I became extremely dizzy. This continued on all day until I really got scared at lunchtime, too scared to drive and feeling too weak to even make it to the deli downstairs. So I called Brent and begged him to come get me, and my wonderful husband did just that. Driving would not have been safe for me or anyone at that point. We drove home and I rested on the couch for a bit while he ran an errand and then we took Stormy to the vet for her shots. It was miserable. We went back home and I tried to sleep, incredibly anxious for my appointment the next morning.
Back to yesterday – Josie confirmed what I’d been suspecting since early February. I have pseudotumor cerebri or more correctly known as idiopathic intracranial hypertension. In laymen’s terms my body is fighting a brain tumor that doesn’t actually exist. I have an abundance of spinal fluid that is creating undue pressure on my brain and causing immense pain that medication won’t touch. We were really hoping the relief from the lumbar puncture would’ve lasted longer than it did.
So what’s next for me? Unfortunately I am unable to take the commonly prescribed medication, Diamox, because of the adverse reaction I had to its sister medication, Topamax. Diamox is much stronger than Topamax and it’s just not considered safe for me. That leads me to have another lumbar puncture, a fact which I am very excited about. I can smell the relief already, even if it’s only for a couple of days again. Also, I’ll meet with a neuro-ophthalmologist on March 29th to have my vision tested and make sure my eyes aren’t in trouble. After that I’ll meet back with Dr. Herzog on April 22nd and he will refer me to a neurosurgeon to discuss possible surgery.
Throughout all of this I have been optimistic. I knew what was wrong before the doctor confirmed it so I’ve had time to do a lot of research and come to terms with it. Honestly I feel pretty at peace with the entire thing – I know my options and what the limitations are. It can be a lifelong battle but I will prevail. At this point I will do just about anything for relief. There is an awesome support group on DailyStrength that I have found that have been wonderful, particularly one girl who lives close to me and is about the same age and has been through hell. Her story is very inspiring and she is so strong. While I certainly hope that surgery can be avoided it’s almost a certainty and I’ll just deal with it when it comes.
Love to all,
KC
Speaking of Sunday, it was horrible. We had to take LB home which is bad enough but I woke up with a headache. Well Saturday I woke up with a headache and severe nausea so I took a Zofran and went in to work at the store. The headache never got any better or worse but the nausea let up just a smidge so I could go to my baby cousin Jack’s first birthday party. We got to bed early Saturday night after a rough evening with LB and I didn’t sleep very well, hence the Sunday morning headache. Like an idiot I chose to drive the entire way to Perry, all 4.75 hours of traffic when I knew I needed to pull off but couldn’t find a good on/off exit. Brent wasn’t happy with me.
When we finally got to Perry and when I got out of the car I was swimming. I took LB to use the potty and as soon as I squatted down to help him it felt like I was hit with a hammer. It’s bad when a three year old asks if you’re okay. When we finished I ordered some sweet tea and sat down at the table so we could discuss visitation with LB’s mom. We didn’t wind up leaving until 5:30pm and I could’ve sworn I was dying. I know I can’t die from this but I wasn’t sure that I couldn’t have a seizure – that’s how bad I was hurting. No clue what a seizure is like but that had to be the next step, and I refused to take pain medicine for fear of a rebound headache and besides that shit doesn’t work anyhow. I strongly considered having Brent drive me straight to the ER at Baylor Dallas and begging for a lumbar puncture but felt bad about leaving the dogs longer than necessary (my priorities are too motherly). After some meditated breathing I finally dozed off.
Monday morning was the same scenario, extreme nausea but a slightly less painful headache. I made the drive into work and after walking into the office I became extremely dizzy. This continued on all day until I really got scared at lunchtime, too scared to drive and feeling too weak to even make it to the deli downstairs. So I called Brent and begged him to come get me, and my wonderful husband did just that. Driving would not have been safe for me or anyone at that point. We drove home and I rested on the couch for a bit while he ran an errand and then we took Stormy to the vet for her shots. It was miserable. We went back home and I tried to sleep, incredibly anxious for my appointment the next morning.
Back to yesterday – Josie confirmed what I’d been suspecting since early February. I have pseudotumor cerebri or more correctly known as idiopathic intracranial hypertension. In laymen’s terms my body is fighting a brain tumor that doesn’t actually exist. I have an abundance of spinal fluid that is creating undue pressure on my brain and causing immense pain that medication won’t touch. We were really hoping the relief from the lumbar puncture would’ve lasted longer than it did.
So what’s next for me? Unfortunately I am unable to take the commonly prescribed medication, Diamox, because of the adverse reaction I had to its sister medication, Topamax. Diamox is much stronger than Topamax and it’s just not considered safe for me. That leads me to have another lumbar puncture, a fact which I am very excited about. I can smell the relief already, even if it’s only for a couple of days again. Also, I’ll meet with a neuro-ophthalmologist on March 29th to have my vision tested and make sure my eyes aren’t in trouble. After that I’ll meet back with Dr. Herzog on April 22nd and he will refer me to a neurosurgeon to discuss possible surgery.
Throughout all of this I have been optimistic. I knew what was wrong before the doctor confirmed it so I’ve had time to do a lot of research and come to terms with it. Honestly I feel pretty at peace with the entire thing – I know my options and what the limitations are. It can be a lifelong battle but I will prevail. At this point I will do just about anything for relief. There is an awesome support group on DailyStrength that I have found that have been wonderful, particularly one girl who lives close to me and is about the same age and has been through hell. Her story is very inspiring and she is so strong. While I certainly hope that surgery can be avoided it’s almost a certainty and I’ll just deal with it when it comes.
Love to all,
KC
Mar 16, 2010
And They're Back . . .
. . . with a vengeance I might add. After my lumbar puncture on Thursday morning I did not have a headache at all, until Sunday. Even then they were just little fingers of pain that came and went, never a full blown headache but just letting me know it was still around. So when I woke up yesterday morning I was not expecting to have another headache. It wasn't as severe as they tend to be but just aggravating enough and by the end of the day I was pretty miserable.
When I woke up this morning, it was like I'd never been away from the pain. Nausea had returned, I could barely stand, so I ran through a quick shower and hopped back in bed for 20 minutes willing it away. Even that didn't help, so here I sit at the office frustrated and squinting at my screen and staying as still as possible.
Might I add that the fact that I am trying to get my profit sharing finished ASAP probably isn't helping?
Tonight I go for my sleep study and I'm not looking forward to it. For one I can't sleep without my husband, and secondly I'm very used to hearing the baby monitor at night so I never sleep deeply. Maybe I can talk him into calling me, putting it on speaker and just letting it run all night. Desperate times call for desperate measures, after all.
Love, KC
When I woke up this morning, it was like I'd never been away from the pain. Nausea had returned, I could barely stand, so I ran through a quick shower and hopped back in bed for 20 minutes willing it away. Even that didn't help, so here I sit at the office frustrated and squinting at my screen and staying as still as possible.
Might I add that the fact that I am trying to get my profit sharing finished ASAP probably isn't helping?
Tonight I go for my sleep study and I'm not looking forward to it. For one I can't sleep without my husband, and secondly I'm very used to hearing the baby monitor at night so I never sleep deeply. Maybe I can talk him into calling me, putting it on speaker and just letting it run all night. Desperate times call for desperate measures, after all.
Love, KC
Mar 11, 2010
Testing, 123
Today I finally had my lumbar puncture done. The one that my old neurologist said was not necessary and my new one wanted done first thing (I knew I liked him!)
We arrived at the Swiss Avenue SurgiCenter at around 9:10am and were both a little skeptical at first - the building looked old and run down and like no one had been there in years, but as we rounded the corner it was a new modern building that was much more comforting. They whisked me right in and checked my blood pressure and oxygen, which was a little lower than normal so they immediately made me put those stupid things in my nose. Ugh. I got changed into a gown and little puppy feet socks and settled back, answering the same questions three times for three different nurses.
When the time came for my IV, I was really hoping for it to be in my arm and not my hand, but no such luck. I didn't even get numbing medicine, and then she didn't think she got the needle in the vein that was so large even I could have gotten it and proceeded to wiggle it around!! Agh!! Finally she got it in and taped down, in the process causing me severe discomfort. The anesthesiologist came by and I told her how I always got sick after going under so they gave me some Zofran and wheeled me to the OR. They had me scoot over to a different table and lay on my left side, and that's the last thing I remember!
I woke up about a half hour later and felt wonderful, the best I've ever felt after going under. I sat up and talked to the nurses and drank my tea, waiting for them to let me see Brent. Instead, after about a half hour, I was allowed to get dressed and leave. It was so cool. We drove home and here I sit, feeling great and just a little stiff from being on my back all day - and extremely bored!! Oh, and I have a tiny cute little bandaid, right in the middle of my tattoo.
So, the good news - my opening intracranial pressure was 360mm/H20. The normal acceptable rate is 200mm/H20, and anything over 250mm/H20 is considered high. They drained out 160mm to make my levels normal. My levels were well over what is considered high and just confirms what I've thought all along - Idopathic Intracranial Hypertension. Doesn't sound like good news? Well I think it is, because it means I have a diagnosis. To me, that is a blessing.
We arrived at the Swiss Avenue SurgiCenter at around 9:10am and were both a little skeptical at first - the building looked old and run down and like no one had been there in years, but as we rounded the corner it was a new modern building that was much more comforting. They whisked me right in and checked my blood pressure and oxygen, which was a little lower than normal so they immediately made me put those stupid things in my nose. Ugh. I got changed into a gown and little puppy feet socks and settled back, answering the same questions three times for three different nurses.
When the time came for my IV, I was really hoping for it to be in my arm and not my hand, but no such luck. I didn't even get numbing medicine, and then she didn't think she got the needle in the vein that was so large even I could have gotten it and proceeded to wiggle it around!! Agh!! Finally she got it in and taped down, in the process causing me severe discomfort. The anesthesiologist came by and I told her how I always got sick after going under so they gave me some Zofran and wheeled me to the OR. They had me scoot over to a different table and lay on my left side, and that's the last thing I remember!
I woke up about a half hour later and felt wonderful, the best I've ever felt after going under. I sat up and talked to the nurses and drank my tea, waiting for them to let me see Brent. Instead, after about a half hour, I was allowed to get dressed and leave. It was so cool. We drove home and here I sit, feeling great and just a little stiff from being on my back all day - and extremely bored!! Oh, and I have a tiny cute little bandaid, right in the middle of my tattoo.
So, the good news - my opening intracranial pressure was 360mm/H20. The normal acceptable rate is 200mm/H20, and anything over 250mm/H20 is considered high. They drained out 160mm to make my levels normal. My levels were well over what is considered high and just confirms what I've thought all along - Idopathic Intracranial Hypertension. Doesn't sound like good news? Well I think it is, because it means I have a diagnosis. To me, that is a blessing.We'll see Dr. Herzog on Tuesday, March 23rd at 8:30am. I am so excited to hear what my next step is.
Until then, KC
Mar 5, 2010
The Migraine Saga, from the Beginning
I’ve had headaches for as long as I can remember. My mom thought it was probably just my vision, because I’d been wearing glasses since the first grade with my eyesight constantly declining. And honestly, that probably was part of the problem. I can first remember them being particularly bad in the fourth grade, when I’d ride the school bus home in the afternoon. It was hot in Texas up until November sometimes and I was the last kid off the bus, so an hour of riding with the windows down on dirt roads did not help me. I’d come home nearly every afternoon with a headache, and my mom would explain it away as growing pains or my eyes. I think that maybe she thought I was becoming a hypochondriac because of how often I complained, but it hurt. One particular incident, when I was maybe 13, we’d been at the pool in Gainesville swimming during the summer and for some reason as we were driving home that afternoon I was hit with one of the worst headaches I remember of my teens. We were driving southbound on I-35 and the sun was directly above me, and the pain was unimaginable. I thought I was dying. Looking back now that was probably the first migraine I ever remember having, though I didn’t know it at the time.
When you have headaches, at first you don’t think to document any sort of pattern. I was a kid and headaches were my “normal”. As I got older they continued and doctors thought that maybe my sinuses were to blame, along with my eyes still. It wasn’t until 2004 that I was first diagnosed with migraines. My doctor at the time thought they were probably stress related, as I’d been recently divorced, working full-time an hour from home and I was barely 19. She gave me a prescription for Relpax and told me to relax. Taking that medication was an experience that I will never forget. I’d gotten home early and was going to cook pork chops for my mom and stepdad for dinner. It probably wasn’t 30 minutes after I’d taken it, as I was putting the pan on the stove, I felt like someone had dropped a 100lb weight on my head. My head was crushing my neck into my body and I couldn’t even stand up. Somehow I managed to make it to my bedroom where I lay crying for the next two hours. When my mom came home finally, I don’t think she fully understood the extent of the pain I was in, more from the medicine than the migraine itself. She’s always been the tough love type and as a parent now I understand that, but it’s frustrating when they don’t believe you. Just ask her about the time I broke my fingers in 2nd grade.
Over the next two years the migraines came and went, not very frequently but I seemed to always have a headache of some sort. After a really bad bout of sinus infections my primary care doctor sent me to see a neurologist. As the headaches had worsened I’d been having a lot of difficulty sleeping, so he thought maybe that was the issue. A sleep study was scheduled in June 2006 and it was found I woke up around 24 times every hour. No wonder I was exhausted! Turns out that I had sleep apnea as a result of my tonsils crowding my throat, a problem which I’d had since I was very young and my mother lobbied to have them taken out as a kid but no doctor would. So I had them out at 22, in a children’s hospital, complete with puppy feet socks and an orange Popsicle. To be truthful that was probably the best and worst experience of my life. Being the optimist I am I wrongly assumed I’d be back at work in a week; in fact, it was 22 days of sheer hell. Sleeping was impossible because my throat would dry out, and I had nothing but liquid hydrocodone and water for about 17 days, as well as excruciating headaches. And somehow I only lost 15lbs . . .
Having my tonsillectomy seemed to help for a while, probably six months. Then at the end of 2006, things went from bad to worse. For some reason the migraines came back with a vengeance, worse than ever before. My neurologist decided that it was time for a preventative medicine and started me on Topamax. Now, I’d heard horror stories of this stuff but given the small dosage I was on really didn’t think it would bother me. WRONG. Within a week, I was stuttering and forgetful; by the end of a month, I was illiterate. Seriously, my 141 IQ dropped about 40 points. Terrified I was going to lose my job I quit taking the medicine and asked for something else. That’s when I got to try Atenolol, a beta blocker that is commonly used for patients with high blood pressure. Since my pressure was already low by nature they were careful of how much I took, and at my highest took about 150mg a day until my blood pressure was dropping to around 90/60 and I was feeling woozy all the time. All in all the Atenolol worked for well over a year and then quit suddenly when my blood pressure got so low.
It is important to note that I was living the typical lifestyle of a 22 year old kid in Dallas at that time. I had started working for a band called Exit 380, I was out late and partying and drinking on the weekends and paying for it later. There is no doubt that this attributed to my headaches at the time, but I was either ignorant of the fact or just ignored it entirely. My guess is the latter.
Just before the summer of 2008 the neurologist decided to try me on a drug called Zonegran, which is in the same family as Topamax but with less side effects. Gradually my dosage increased over the months until the point I was taking 200mg a day because the headaches had returned, presumably because I’d started taking birth control again. During this time I met my husband and in August 2009 I quit taking the medication and the birth control so that we could clear my system entirely and try to have a baby. Making sure I avoided all possible triggers, I took vitamins daily and only had a few migraines through the end of the year. I had quit drinking almost entirely after a really bad case of pneumonia in January 2009 and had a glass of wine maybe every three months. Our wedding was planned for January 18, 2010 and I really had no stress in my life at all; I was blessed and blissful.
Whatever it is about the first of the year I couldn’t tell you, but it hates me. On January 3rd I’d planned a really nice meal for my husband of grilled lamb shoulder, steamed carrots and homemade sparkling juice. Within 15 minutes of eating this meal I had a severe migraine and I knew exactly why – carrots. One of my favorite vegetables and every time I eat them I pay for it, especially if they’re cooked. I grabbed my handy icepack from the freezer and retreated to the bedroom as my husband put our son to bed. Icepacks always seem to numb the pain, or just replace the pain with a different pain, but either way we proceeded to do what married people do . . . and that’s when I had the strangest headache onset I’d had for the second time in a week. It was like I’d been hit in the head with a hammer, instantly debilitating and collapsing me to the ground.
The first time this happened, my husband tried to rush me to the emergency room but I refused. After lying on my back for about 15 minutes and drinking some tea the pain seemed to subside in intensity some, but lasted for three full days. This second time set off the pattern I’m currently in. That was January 3rd, today is March 5th – and I’ve had a headache of migraine intensity every single day for these past eight weeks. Pain has become my new “normal”. I don’t know a day without a searing headache. Of course after that second incident I called up my neurologist immediately and he scheduled me for an MRA, a type of MRI that looks at the veins in your brain and specifically aneurysms. I was experiencing what was called a coital headache but they usually went away in a couple of hours, not a couple of days, and he understood that I didn’t want to be in this pain during my honeymoon. He had me taking Darvocet, Naproxen and Zofran since I’d quit taking the Zonegran to manage the pain and nausea and none of that was helping, so he gave me a drug called Maxalt that dissolved under your tongue. I affectionately called it my “I Don’t Give a Damn” drug because that’s how I felt, I could care less about anything at that point, but I still had the headache. To be truthful I was a little scared, not because I ever thought I had anything wrong with my brain but because I might be stuck with this pain.
See, that’s the thing – never once since this started did I think I had something wrong with my head. There were no symptoms of a tumor/aneurysm/clot ever, just severe pressure that resulting in stabbing, aching pain. And I was right all along. My biggest frustration with this neurologist is that all he wanted to do was medicate me and not address the underlying problems. It got so bad at one point that my husband really did have to take me to the emergency room on the night of February 9th. Light was bothering me, which was a new thing, and they gave me morphine and phenergan which did nothing. NOTHING. That stuff knocked me OUT after my knee surgery – and coincidently that’s when they decided I was allergic to the hydrocodone after it gave me a migraine that left me useless for two days. I managed to get in with the neurologist two days later and I left there in hysterics, during the biggest snowstorm Dallas has ever seen. He was two hours late seeing me, and told me I needed to try this nasal spray called Migranal three times a day for the next three days, as well as a steroid pack. This cost $100 and I was at my wit’s end. On my way home I called Texas Neurology and they got me in with Dr. Herzog, the headache specialist, for Tuesday February 23rd. I was elated.
Migranal was not my friend. Initially it made the pain double every time I took it, and after day two just quit working entirely. I was working at the store that day and happened to read an article about a young girl who’d just won Grand Champion at the stock show in Fort Worth, and about how she almost didn’t get to compete because of debilitating headaches. Immediately I grabbed up the paper and read the article, feeling a strange connection to this girl I didn’t know but related to on so many levels. Never did the article reveal what she suffered from but we had identical symptoms so to Google I went. After about four hours of exhaustive searching, I found what I was looking for, a possible diagnosis. I sat in tears in the store office, reading through this website dedicated to the disorder and frantically calling my husband to tell him. This could be it, and I educated myself as much as possible before my appointment with Dr. Herzog.
Dr. Herzog reminded me a lot of my husband, fast talker, thorough and to the point. I had gone in there armed with my MRA, MRI, CT and medical records, a list of symptoms over the years and questions to ask. He literally read through my chart and asked me two questions, the latter being about my pain level. Explaining to him that it seemed like the pain was a result of the pressure, and that it was always the worst during the morning and right before I went to sleep, and that no drugs were helping, the doctor apparently read my mind.
“Have you ever heard of pseudotumor cerebri?”
I was so relieved I thought I might cry. That was exactly what I was going to ask him about. He scheduled me for an MRV, another type of MRI, as well as a lumbar puncture and put me on a Frova bridge – I take the medicine twice a day for 10 days. When I’d asked my prior neurologist about this test, he’d outright refused, saying that it was a last ditch effort that would require me to be in the hospital for three days and on intravenous pain meds. Not so, actually. Since my MRV was clear, as I knew it would be, I’ll have a lumbar puncture, aka spinal tap, on Thursday March 11th. Yes, I will have to be in the hospital for three hours, and lie flat for 24 hours after that, but the procedure will only take 15 minutes. Even better, they’ll tell me my pressure reading before I leave and as long as it’s less than 200mm/H20 then it’s likely I don’t have the disorder. Even if I do, it’s a diagnosis and I’m happy to have one that can lead to a proper treatment plan.
So today is my last day on the Frova. I’ve seen no change except that I can’t put sentences together properly or call things by their proper names, basically I’m really confused. It’s been a constant battle that’s just been getting worse over the last couple of months but I’m sticking it out, hoping for answers. I have found such great comfort and knowledge with the Intracranial Hypertension Research Foundation and am just looking forward to the end of this saga. I know my family, and my work, are as well. Hopefully I’ll be back with news next week, but I don’t see any of it being bad news; any diagnosis to me at this point is good news.
Thank you to everyone who has said an extra prayer for me, and to the former coworker who has been a great source of hope without realizing it, my friend in the headache gallery.
Love, KC
When you have headaches, at first you don’t think to document any sort of pattern. I was a kid and headaches were my “normal”. As I got older they continued and doctors thought that maybe my sinuses were to blame, along with my eyes still. It wasn’t until 2004 that I was first diagnosed with migraines. My doctor at the time thought they were probably stress related, as I’d been recently divorced, working full-time an hour from home and I was barely 19. She gave me a prescription for Relpax and told me to relax. Taking that medication was an experience that I will never forget. I’d gotten home early and was going to cook pork chops for my mom and stepdad for dinner. It probably wasn’t 30 minutes after I’d taken it, as I was putting the pan on the stove, I felt like someone had dropped a 100lb weight on my head. My head was crushing my neck into my body and I couldn’t even stand up. Somehow I managed to make it to my bedroom where I lay crying for the next two hours. When my mom came home finally, I don’t think she fully understood the extent of the pain I was in, more from the medicine than the migraine itself. She’s always been the tough love type and as a parent now I understand that, but it’s frustrating when they don’t believe you. Just ask her about the time I broke my fingers in 2nd grade.
Over the next two years the migraines came and went, not very frequently but I seemed to always have a headache of some sort. After a really bad bout of sinus infections my primary care doctor sent me to see a neurologist. As the headaches had worsened I’d been having a lot of difficulty sleeping, so he thought maybe that was the issue. A sleep study was scheduled in June 2006 and it was found I woke up around 24 times every hour. No wonder I was exhausted! Turns out that I had sleep apnea as a result of my tonsils crowding my throat, a problem which I’d had since I was very young and my mother lobbied to have them taken out as a kid but no doctor would. So I had them out at 22, in a children’s hospital, complete with puppy feet socks and an orange Popsicle. To be truthful that was probably the best and worst experience of my life. Being the optimist I am I wrongly assumed I’d be back at work in a week; in fact, it was 22 days of sheer hell. Sleeping was impossible because my throat would dry out, and I had nothing but liquid hydrocodone and water for about 17 days, as well as excruciating headaches. And somehow I only lost 15lbs . . .
Having my tonsillectomy seemed to help for a while, probably six months. Then at the end of 2006, things went from bad to worse. For some reason the migraines came back with a vengeance, worse than ever before. My neurologist decided that it was time for a preventative medicine and started me on Topamax. Now, I’d heard horror stories of this stuff but given the small dosage I was on really didn’t think it would bother me. WRONG. Within a week, I was stuttering and forgetful; by the end of a month, I was illiterate. Seriously, my 141 IQ dropped about 40 points. Terrified I was going to lose my job I quit taking the medicine and asked for something else. That’s when I got to try Atenolol, a beta blocker that is commonly used for patients with high blood pressure. Since my pressure was already low by nature they were careful of how much I took, and at my highest took about 150mg a day until my blood pressure was dropping to around 90/60 and I was feeling woozy all the time. All in all the Atenolol worked for well over a year and then quit suddenly when my blood pressure got so low.
It is important to note that I was living the typical lifestyle of a 22 year old kid in Dallas at that time. I had started working for a band called Exit 380, I was out late and partying and drinking on the weekends and paying for it later. There is no doubt that this attributed to my headaches at the time, but I was either ignorant of the fact or just ignored it entirely. My guess is the latter.
Just before the summer of 2008 the neurologist decided to try me on a drug called Zonegran, which is in the same family as Topamax but with less side effects. Gradually my dosage increased over the months until the point I was taking 200mg a day because the headaches had returned, presumably because I’d started taking birth control again. During this time I met my husband and in August 2009 I quit taking the medication and the birth control so that we could clear my system entirely and try to have a baby. Making sure I avoided all possible triggers, I took vitamins daily and only had a few migraines through the end of the year. I had quit drinking almost entirely after a really bad case of pneumonia in January 2009 and had a glass of wine maybe every three months. Our wedding was planned for January 18, 2010 and I really had no stress in my life at all; I was blessed and blissful.
Whatever it is about the first of the year I couldn’t tell you, but it hates me. On January 3rd I’d planned a really nice meal for my husband of grilled lamb shoulder, steamed carrots and homemade sparkling juice. Within 15 minutes of eating this meal I had a severe migraine and I knew exactly why – carrots. One of my favorite vegetables and every time I eat them I pay for it, especially if they’re cooked. I grabbed my handy icepack from the freezer and retreated to the bedroom as my husband put our son to bed. Icepacks always seem to numb the pain, or just replace the pain with a different pain, but either way we proceeded to do what married people do . . . and that’s when I had the strangest headache onset I’d had for the second time in a week. It was like I’d been hit in the head with a hammer, instantly debilitating and collapsing me to the ground.
The first time this happened, my husband tried to rush me to the emergency room but I refused. After lying on my back for about 15 minutes and drinking some tea the pain seemed to subside in intensity some, but lasted for three full days. This second time set off the pattern I’m currently in. That was January 3rd, today is March 5th – and I’ve had a headache of migraine intensity every single day for these past eight weeks. Pain has become my new “normal”. I don’t know a day without a searing headache. Of course after that second incident I called up my neurologist immediately and he scheduled me for an MRA, a type of MRI that looks at the veins in your brain and specifically aneurysms. I was experiencing what was called a coital headache but they usually went away in a couple of hours, not a couple of days, and he understood that I didn’t want to be in this pain during my honeymoon. He had me taking Darvocet, Naproxen and Zofran since I’d quit taking the Zonegran to manage the pain and nausea and none of that was helping, so he gave me a drug called Maxalt that dissolved under your tongue. I affectionately called it my “I Don’t Give a Damn” drug because that’s how I felt, I could care less about anything at that point, but I still had the headache. To be truthful I was a little scared, not because I ever thought I had anything wrong with my brain but because I might be stuck with this pain.
See, that’s the thing – never once since this started did I think I had something wrong with my head. There were no symptoms of a tumor/aneurysm/clot ever, just severe pressure that resulting in stabbing, aching pain. And I was right all along. My biggest frustration with this neurologist is that all he wanted to do was medicate me and not address the underlying problems. It got so bad at one point that my husband really did have to take me to the emergency room on the night of February 9th. Light was bothering me, which was a new thing, and they gave me morphine and phenergan which did nothing. NOTHING. That stuff knocked me OUT after my knee surgery – and coincidently that’s when they decided I was allergic to the hydrocodone after it gave me a migraine that left me useless for two days. I managed to get in with the neurologist two days later and I left there in hysterics, during the biggest snowstorm Dallas has ever seen. He was two hours late seeing me, and told me I needed to try this nasal spray called Migranal three times a day for the next three days, as well as a steroid pack. This cost $100 and I was at my wit’s end. On my way home I called Texas Neurology and they got me in with Dr. Herzog, the headache specialist, for Tuesday February 23rd. I was elated.
Migranal was not my friend. Initially it made the pain double every time I took it, and after day two just quit working entirely. I was working at the store that day and happened to read an article about a young girl who’d just won Grand Champion at the stock show in Fort Worth, and about how she almost didn’t get to compete because of debilitating headaches. Immediately I grabbed up the paper and read the article, feeling a strange connection to this girl I didn’t know but related to on so many levels. Never did the article reveal what she suffered from but we had identical symptoms so to Google I went. After about four hours of exhaustive searching, I found what I was looking for, a possible diagnosis. I sat in tears in the store office, reading through this website dedicated to the disorder and frantically calling my husband to tell him. This could be it, and I educated myself as much as possible before my appointment with Dr. Herzog.
Dr. Herzog reminded me a lot of my husband, fast talker, thorough and to the point. I had gone in there armed with my MRA, MRI, CT and medical records, a list of symptoms over the years and questions to ask. He literally read through my chart and asked me two questions, the latter being about my pain level. Explaining to him that it seemed like the pain was a result of the pressure, and that it was always the worst during the morning and right before I went to sleep, and that no drugs were helping, the doctor apparently read my mind.
“Have you ever heard of pseudotumor cerebri?”
I was so relieved I thought I might cry. That was exactly what I was going to ask him about. He scheduled me for an MRV, another type of MRI, as well as a lumbar puncture and put me on a Frova bridge – I take the medicine twice a day for 10 days. When I’d asked my prior neurologist about this test, he’d outright refused, saying that it was a last ditch effort that would require me to be in the hospital for three days and on intravenous pain meds. Not so, actually. Since my MRV was clear, as I knew it would be, I’ll have a lumbar puncture, aka spinal tap, on Thursday March 11th. Yes, I will have to be in the hospital for three hours, and lie flat for 24 hours after that, but the procedure will only take 15 minutes. Even better, they’ll tell me my pressure reading before I leave and as long as it’s less than 200mm/H20 then it’s likely I don’t have the disorder. Even if I do, it’s a diagnosis and I’m happy to have one that can lead to a proper treatment plan.
So today is my last day on the Frova. I’ve seen no change except that I can’t put sentences together properly or call things by their proper names, basically I’m really confused. It’s been a constant battle that’s just been getting worse over the last couple of months but I’m sticking it out, hoping for answers. I have found such great comfort and knowledge with the Intracranial Hypertension Research Foundation and am just looking forward to the end of this saga. I know my family, and my work, are as well. Hopefully I’ll be back with news next week, but I don’t see any of it being bad news; any diagnosis to me at this point is good news.
Thank you to everyone who has said an extra prayer for me, and to the former coworker who has been a great source of hope without realizing it, my friend in the headache gallery.
Love, KC
Feb 24, 2010
Happy Birthday Buddy!
Yesterday was Lil B's 3rd birthday. We honestly didn't do a whole lot of celebrating since we had his party on Saturday where about 30 people came and played and partied it up at Bonkers. LB got tons of cool new toys and got sugared up for a good while. It was my first foray into party planning and I'd like to think I did okay, despite the fact that Brent and I were both sick. There are tons of pictures but of course they're on my other computer, as usual. If I remember I'll post some here.
Work has kept me so busy I have no time to post, so I thought I'd sneak in a little piece for now. I have to promise myself I'll keep this up.
Love, KC
Work has kept me so busy I have no time to post, so I thought I'd sneak in a little piece for now. I have to promise myself I'll keep this up.
Love, KC
Feb 9, 2010
Have You Seen It?
My inspiration, that is. I seem to have lost it somewhere. Every time I think to myself, "Ooh! I need to write!" I'm busy doing something else and by the time I sit down I have no idea what I was going to write about. My husband says that he does this to me, letting his ADD rub off on me and distracting me at the most inopportune times. With this, I have to agree. :-)
The kiddo will be back on Sunday, Valentine's Day, and we can't wait. It seems like forever since we've seen or talked to him. Trying to plan a date with your husband and then another with your son can be a lot of fun, so let's hope I come up with something good. LB is turning three in just a couple of weeks now and we're celebrating with a big party next weekend.
Which reminds me, I must get to planning.
Love, KC
The kiddo will be back on Sunday, Valentine's Day, and we can't wait. It seems like forever since we've seen or talked to him. Trying to plan a date with your husband and then another with your son can be a lot of fun, so let's hope I come up with something good. LB is turning three in just a couple of weeks now and we're celebrating with a big party next weekend.
Which reminds me, I must get to planning.
Love, KC
Feb 1, 2010
Intro to 2010
It's February 1st and unfortunately this is my first post of 2010. Eeek! So much for my NY resolution of blogging more frequently. Let's just chalk it up to -
a) LB's extended visit
b) our wedding and
c) enjoying extended bliss minus working too much.
I'll start with a. We could not have been more thrilled to have LB for the length of time that we did. Even amidst the chaos there was such unmatched joy. I really enjoy being a parent and the time I do get to spend home with him makes me want to stay home more, so it's a constant struggle of balance. Sunday's have always been my favorite day of the week, mostly because it's the only day I don't work and I just stay home and clean and enjoy my house. But when LB was here it was so different, we'd spend our mornings in the kitchen cooking together and just enjoying our one-on-one time. I have some great pictures I'll post later.
As for b, well we are finally married and as anticipated, things haven't really changed - other than my last name. Oh and we make more money thanks to the wonderful tax brackets. Our wedding day was bittersweet, because as soon as we were finished we had to make the 4 hour drive to meet LB's mom in Oklahoma. He was excited to see her and we were just anxious to get on the road and not think about him not being with us. It's very hard and getting harder to exchange him after only a week. We feel as if we're missing so many important milestones in his life and there's just no cure for that. We've openly discussed moving to Kansas City so that we could be with him more often, but his mother tends to be on the unpredictable side so we can't follow her around the country.
And finally, c - extended wedded bliss. In lieu of spending money on traveling someplace far and away, we opted to stay in. Neither of us have spent any decent time home doing nothing and with three dogs it just seemed right. The honeymoon mostly took away the pain of LB being gone, except for when Stormy would look for him around the house and cry. That breaks us both. She still looks for him and doesn't want to leave his room if she gets in there.
So yeah, that's the extent of our month in a nutshell. We have a lot of things coming up in February - Valentine's Day, LB coming and having his 3rd birthday party and so much more. Can't believe my little buddy is going to be three. Last night we watched some home videos of last Valentine's Day, and he's grown so much. Makes me miss the little one who couldn't talk back so much. :-)
I'm going to try my best to write more often. Tell life to give me a 15 minute break every few days.
Looking forward to the future ahead,
KC
a) LB's extended visit
b) our wedding and
c) enjoying extended bliss minus working too much.
I'll start with a. We could not have been more thrilled to have LB for the length of time that we did. Even amidst the chaos there was such unmatched joy. I really enjoy being a parent and the time I do get to spend home with him makes me want to stay home more, so it's a constant struggle of balance. Sunday's have always been my favorite day of the week, mostly because it's the only day I don't work and I just stay home and clean and enjoy my house. But when LB was here it was so different, we'd spend our mornings in the kitchen cooking together and just enjoying our one-on-one time. I have some great pictures I'll post later.
As for b, well we are finally married and as anticipated, things haven't really changed - other than my last name. Oh and we make more money thanks to the wonderful tax brackets. Our wedding day was bittersweet, because as soon as we were finished we had to make the 4 hour drive to meet LB's mom in Oklahoma. He was excited to see her and we were just anxious to get on the road and not think about him not being with us. It's very hard and getting harder to exchange him after only a week. We feel as if we're missing so many important milestones in his life and there's just no cure for that. We've openly discussed moving to Kansas City so that we could be with him more often, but his mother tends to be on the unpredictable side so we can't follow her around the country.
And finally, c - extended wedded bliss. In lieu of spending money on traveling someplace far and away, we opted to stay in. Neither of us have spent any decent time home doing nothing and with three dogs it just seemed right. The honeymoon mostly took away the pain of LB being gone, except for when Stormy would look for him around the house and cry. That breaks us both. She still looks for him and doesn't want to leave his room if she gets in there.
So yeah, that's the extent of our month in a nutshell. We have a lot of things coming up in February - Valentine's Day, LB coming and having his 3rd birthday party and so much more. Can't believe my little buddy is going to be three. Last night we watched some home videos of last Valentine's Day, and he's grown so much. Makes me miss the little one who couldn't talk back so much. :-)
I'm going to try my best to write more often. Tell life to give me a 15 minute break every few days.
Looking forward to the future ahead,
KC
Dec 31, 2009
Last Post of the Year
I've been blog-lazy for the last couple of weeks that LB has been here. There has been SOOOOOOO much going on that I really haven't had time to stop and think, which is probably a good thing. However, I have taken about 500+ pictures with the new Canon Rebel XS that my wonderful parents got me for Christmas so hopefully I can put some of those up soon.
Did I happen to mention that LB is still here? Yup, he will be here until our wedding on the 18th. Which is officially 19 days away. We're getting married in less than three weeks!! We have so thoroughly enjoyed this extended stay and we're both sad knowing that it is coming to an end. Having LB here has been great to keep my focus off of getting pregnant and on to what really matters.
Speaking of getting pregnant, no, we're not yet. The window ends in February and then can resume in May so I'm really just taking it one day at a time. I've learned a lot about myself and about Brent since this process started and I am so thankful for him every day for helping me through this. When they say it's possible to fall in love with someone more every day, trust me, it's possible. I look at that man and thank God every day for bringing him into my life.
For now, that's about all the reflection I can muster. It's been a wonderfully crazy year and I look forward to the decades ahead with my little family.
Love, KC
Did I happen to mention that LB is still here? Yup, he will be here until our wedding on the 18th. Which is officially 19 days away. We're getting married in less than three weeks!! We have so thoroughly enjoyed this extended stay and we're both sad knowing that it is coming to an end. Having LB here has been great to keep my focus off of getting pregnant and on to what really matters.
Speaking of getting pregnant, no, we're not yet. The window ends in February and then can resume in May so I'm really just taking it one day at a time. I've learned a lot about myself and about Brent since this process started and I am so thankful for him every day for helping me through this. When they say it's possible to fall in love with someone more every day, trust me, it's possible. I look at that man and thank God every day for bringing him into my life.
For now, that's about all the reflection I can muster. It's been a wonderfully crazy year and I look forward to the decades ahead with my little family.
Love, KC
Dec 16, 2009
LB is Coming!!
So I just thought I'd share some AWESOME news in regards to LB's visit today:
His mom is allowing him to stay with us until the wedding on January 18th. That is 4 1/2 weeks!! We are thrilled and are making a ton of plans.
Brent is on his way to Oklahoma to get him right now, so we should start having picture updates soon. :-))
Love, Kc
His mom is allowing him to stay with us until the wedding on January 18th. That is 4 1/2 weeks!! We are thrilled and are making a ton of plans.
Brent is on his way to Oklahoma to get him right now, so we should start having picture updates soon. :-))
Love, Kc
Dec 15, 2009
The Time has Come - and a new addition . . .
I've been running like a madwoman trying to get things in order before tomorrow - LB will be here FINALLY!! Brent is leaving at 9am so hopefully they'll be home shortly after I get off work. I'm so very excited to see him and share in this holiday with our new family.
Because I consider myself to be an awesome almost-wife, I caved and bought Brent one of the things he's been asking for for months, and gave it to him on Saturday night. He was shocked, and now we're trying to settle in to the routine of having a baby in the house again.
Meet Stormy LaRue - part Siberian Husky, part German Shepherd - and the new love of Brent's life. :-))
Love, KC
Because I consider myself to be an awesome almost-wife, I caved and bought Brent one of the things he's been asking for for months, and gave it to him on Saturday night. He was shocked, and now we're trying to settle in to the routine of having a baby in the house again.
Meet Stormy LaRue - part Siberian Husky, part German Shepherd - and the new love of Brent's life. :-))
Love, KC
Dec 2, 2009
Starting Over
The Thanksgiving holiday passed without a hitch. We managed to spend the morning with my dad, the mid-day with my mom's side of the family, and the evening with Brent's family. All in all I'd say it was a great day. Actually, we both remarked how it was neat to experience the different traditions from where we were raised: my family's obviously more Southern atmosphere as opposed to his family's more North-Central home. Regardless, the food was great and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. We were sad that LB was not here, but he seemed to have a good time with his mom eating "chicken". LOL
We put up the Christmas tree the Friday before Thanksgiving, as well as the lights. I'll try to post pictures after while.
And finally, another month has passed with no baby. It's getting easier to take, though no less disappointing. So we are starting over this month, with three left to go, and hoping that one of these takes.
Love, KC
We put up the Christmas tree the Friday before Thanksgiving, as well as the lights. I'll try to post pictures after while.
And finally, another month has passed with no baby. It's getting easier to take, though no less disappointing. So we are starting over this month, with three left to go, and hoping that one of these takes.
Love, KC
Nov 20, 2009
What's in a Name?
I just have to put this out there, as it's a common issue that we as parents struggle with when having a child - the acceptance of the name.
Someone in the department right next to me had a new grandbaby born overnight. She is sorely disappointed that they named the baby Gunner (not Gunther), and is lamenting this to all of the women in her area - all of which are over 50. She doesn't understand why these college educated professionals would name their child something like that, even though it's been picked out for quite some time, and why they couldn't choose a simple name like James and call him Jimmy.
Obviously, that name appeals to them and what right do you have to try and influence the naming of their child?! I fear this will come up when Brent and I have children, especially with the girls names we've picked out. But you know what? We love the names and that is all that matters. Here's to hoping that our mothers and grandmothers can keep their opinions to themselves, if they're negative.
Love, KC
Someone in the department right next to me had a new grandbaby born overnight. She is sorely disappointed that they named the baby Gunner (not Gunther), and is lamenting this to all of the women in her area - all of which are over 50. She doesn't understand why these college educated professionals would name their child something like that, even though it's been picked out for quite some time, and why they couldn't choose a simple name like James and call him Jimmy.
Obviously, that name appeals to them and what right do you have to try and influence the naming of their child?! I fear this will come up when Brent and I have children, especially with the girls names we've picked out. But you know what? We love the names and that is all that matters. Here's to hoping that our mothers and grandmothers can keep their opinions to themselves, if they're negative.
Love, KC
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