Twenty-Six Candles

Twenty-six years ago today, I was blessed with the most awesome parents and family a gal could ask for. In my unbiased opinion, I feel that I’ve lived a pretty amazing life thus far and there is not much more I could ask for. Being as I was the only child for my parents, it’s obvious that I was spoiled – not so much with “things” as with love, because that’s all they had. Times were tough when I was growing up but I was none the wiser, for I had two extremely dedicated parents along with two wonderful stepparents and a slew of grandparents that made sure I knew how great I was.

To this day, my family still makes me feel special on my birthday. It’s not as big a deal as it is when you turn, say, 13, but it’s still nice to know that your family and friends are thinking of you on your day. When I was younger, my mom used to come and wake me up at 2:51am (that’s what time I was born) and sometimes my grandmother and dad would even call me that early. I cherished it. This morning waking up was different, though, because I didn’t feel any older or that any miraculous changes had occurred overnight. My husband by my side and my son in his room, life is pretty grand. I can’t wait for the mornings when we have a slew of kiddos running around the house, jumping on the bed singing, “Happy birthday, Mama!” while my husband is making me breakfast in bed. (Okay, that last part is a stretch!)

Twenty-five was a really BIG year for me, in a lot of respects. Brent and I officially moved in together. Then we got engaged. Then we celebrated our first Christmas as a family, our first Christmas when LB will likely remember Santa. We got married. My headaches got worse. I was diagnosed with IH. I had major brain surgery, and then two more revisions. We realized we were struggling with infertility. LB had eye surgery again. But throughout all of it we made it, and that is what is most important. We have grown and learned so much during this past year that I can’t help but be anything but grateful for this blessed life I’m living.

Today, I turned twenty-six years old. My great-grandmother had my grandmother at 25; my grandmother had my mom at 25 and my mom had me at 25. For as long as I can remember, I was “supposed” to have my first child at 25, too. Obviously that didn’t happen, and before I met Brent I was okay with that – there was no rush! It’s not until you want to have that child that you feel the rush. I feel like I missed the mark. Like I let down the tradition. In a way, I did “have” LB when I was 25, so I guess that is the balance. There’s always got to be balance, right?

So maybe 26 will be my year. It can only get bigger and better from here. :-) A huge thank you to all of my sweet friends and family who have taken time out of their day today to wish me a happy birthday. I sincerely appreciate each and every one of you.

Love, KC

It's Been a Year . . .

It is coming up on the one year anniversary of this little blog, and it’s been neglected I’m afraid.

When I first set it up the intent was to document our journey to babies and we certainly never thought that a year later we’d still be trying. Somehow I imagined that it would happen immediately and I guess you could say that it was that idea that terrified me the most. You decide to have children and expect it to happen right away and when it doesn’t you suffer from a various mix of emotions. For us now it has only further confirmed how ready we are to have more children and make LB a big brother.

Looking back on the situation I can only surmise that God had a plan and as always, knew much better than the two of us did! Who would have thought that I would get so sick with my headaches, find out I had a rare brain disease and have three major brain surgeries – all in a matter of six months? There is absolutely no way my body could have handled a pregnancy before.

We first started trying to conceive at the end of August, and I quit taking not only my birth control pills but also all of my migraine medications and anti-convulsants. It was the first time in over three years that I had been un-medicated for my headaches and at the time I thought I was doing really well. The headaches didn’t seem to be too severe in nature and were only coming a couple times a week at first, and not so badly that a Darvocet couldn’t rid me of the pain. However, the closer we got to year-end the worse things got. Then, on January 3rd I had the worst attack yet that sent the diagnosis-ball rolling.

My original neurologist had me checked for aneurisms and the like only to find nothing. All he wanted to do was continue to medicate me even though the migraines were getting worse and none of the other dozen or so medications he’d tried had worked. In the meantime I did my own research and came across a site for pseudotumor cerebri, or idiopathic intracranial hypertension. When I presented my findings to the neurologist he basically told me I was crazy and threatened me so I found another doctor – my champion, Dr. Herzog. Within five minutes he was in 100% agreement that I needed to be tested for PTC; within a month I was diagnosed and having brain surgery a little more than a month later.

Today I am about four months post-op from the original surgery, and almost two months from my last revision. I haven’t felt this great in many, many years. When I have headaches they are minor and mostly weather related I think. No pressure headaches! However from the final surgery I had been having a lot of abdominal pain as a result of the placement of my shunt catheter so as a precaution I visited a new high-risk OB/GYN to ensure there were no issues. While there I mentioned to her that I had been trying to conceive for about a year with no success and she suggested that I have my progesterone levels checked. As it turns out, they are rather low and most likely the cause of my infertility. For the next couple of months I will have to have it checked to see if it is constant and if it is, what steps we will take.

Going into the diagnosis of PTC I knew that infertility could be an issue. Several of the women who are diagnosed also have PCOS or other symptoms of infertility. It’s wonderful to know that you are not alone in this journey and also to see that there is hope – a lady in our group recently had her first child despite it all. While I know there could be potential complications I am willing to learn as much as I can to avoid them. The only bummer I have experienced is that my doctor all but dashed my hopes of a natural homebirth, saying it is just too risky. I do tend to agree with her, so I think I will focus my sights on a birthing center where I can still be free to roam. One step at a time though.

As much as I promise, I really do need to keep this blog updated. There are so many things I want to share and just don’t make the time. LB is growing so fast and becoming a little man, there are a ton of recipes I’ve been dying to share, and we have expanded our four-legged brood with a kitten. All in due time . . .

Until then,
KC

From the Beginning . . .

We met on eHarmony, and no I’m not in any way ashamed to admit that. I will admit that I initially signed up for two reasons: boredom being number one, but number two being that I was hoping to meet a different caliber of men than I’d been spending the majority of my time with. I had set standards: at least 27 years old, at least 6’ tall, and NO kids. I did not want the baggage that came along with a possible ex-wife/ex-girlfriend and Lord knows I get attached to kiddos way too easily. So if anyone came along that did not meet my criteria, I immediately closed the match, regardless of what their profile said. That was until January 3, 2009, when I was matched with him. Honestly, I intended to close him. I really did. But I kept going back to this picture.

This picture was the first thing I saw when I opened his profile, and I couldn’t help but smile. There is something about it that just showed immense joy and love from this man and his son and even though he failed all of my demands, I couldn’t close him out. So I waited for three days, and sent my first round of questions. And to this day, I feel like I lost three days with him somewhere in there.

Those eHarmony commercials, as corny as they are, are real. From my experience I truly believe that. I was on that site for less than a week when we were matched, and we could both swear to you that we were destined to be together. We ARE that corny couple and we proudly wear that badge. Through an unfortunate set of circumstances - my having severe pneumonia and him having the flu - we were able to spend over two weeks just talking to one another. And talk we did! I’ve never talked to someone so much, and we still don’t shut up (just ask our families). This, I believe, helped to build the strong foundation of our relationship, how openly and honestly we communicate with each other about everything.

I remember one night, probably during week two, he asked me to marry him four times in one conversation. All over food, I do believe (which I still contend is a primary reason he’s marrying me). I don’t think there was ever a doubt in either of our minds even at that point where this was headed. But amongst our earliest of conversations were children. Did I mind that he had a child? What were his thoughts on more children? In no time we were pretty set on 3-5 kids, and I was excitedly freaked out about LB. How, in such short order, had I found my other half – and a baby?

What I’d written above was supposed to be my introductory blog. The entire purpose of setting up the blog in the first place was to capture our journey of making our family. I’m not sure why I never finished it or much less posted it, but I found it today and wanted to try and finish it. It was originally started on 6/11/09, just over five months ago. Not much has changed, and at the same time so much HAS changed.

We still don’t shut up. Every opportunity we have to talk to one another we greedily seize and try to cram as much into that two or three minutes that we can. It’s increasingly difficult since Brent was promoted to store director in September, but we do the best we can.

We are more madly in love with one another than we were yesterday, or the day before. Every day our love grows in such a manner that it leaves me speechless, incredibly blessed and anxious for more. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it was possible to love someone so completely, for everything that they are and everything that they’re not. It’s hard to express this in a way that can wholly encompass those emotions, so instead we mainly smile at one another with a knowing that we wish others could experience.

Our wedding is in 60 days, one year to the day of our first date, and we have done nothing to prepare other than toss around a few things we’d like to do. We have no intention of having anything that really resembles a wedding, actually. All that we need is a minister, LB, our parents and his siblings, and my best friend. That is eleven people, and I’d be perfectly happy having it in someone’s living room. While there are no immediate plans for a honeymoon (thanks to my job) we will definitely spend a week doing something during the summer.

Lastly, our three-year baby plan went out the window within three weeks in our new house. We’ve been trying to conceive since then, with no luck yet, and trying to not be discouraged. I fully realize these things take time and therefore I’m just not going to worry about it anymore. Both of us will be utterly delighted to have a baby when the time comes, but for now we do good just to keep ourselves from going insane.

As with every couple, we sometimes have issues. While I’m a complete neat freak and like things to be extra organized, he is my polar opposite and that can sometimes create frustration on my part. For the most part, the fact that he has ADD never occurs to me except when he can’t complete a task, and I have to remind myself that I’ve never been in his shoes and not everyone is as anal retentive as I am about all of the lights being off in the house before you leave.

As you’ve read, LB is growing bigger every time we see him. He was only 23 months old when we started dating, tiny as could be and precious. Now he’s going to be three in a couple of months and he’s a different kid. The terrible twos have been rough but we’ve survived with our humor intact, mostly because of the insanely cute things he does. I asked him the last time he was here if he wanted a little sister, to which I got a “NO!!”, while Daddy asked if he wanted a brother and he said, “YES!!” I’m hoping he warms to the idea; I think he’ll be a great big brother.

Thankfully I had the foresight to pull off mine and Brent’s entire email communication from our first week of “talking” before my membership to eHarmony expired. To go back and read them now is so funny, and remarkably true to how we are. Hopefully I can put them in our scrapbook.

Until next time. . .

Love, KC

The First Step....

In the months since I first created this blog, I've wanted to write about the journey to where we are now -- moving into our first home together. But every time I try to write it just never seems to be the right time. So this will become as good a place to start as any. :-)

We've taken the first big step, and last Friday joined our belongings and moved in together. Our first HOME. In all technicality you could probably say we've been living together since our second date, but after seven months we decided to make it official. It feels no different, except that we have more space and a whole lot of crap to sort through. I mean, how many boxes of Christmas decorations do you really need, and who needs four complete sets of dishes?? Our spare bedroom/office looks like a warzone, and LB's room is not faring so well either. We have until Saturday night to get that set up. I am most excited about him having his own room, where he can play and do his own thing. He doesn't have that anywhere.

At any rate, as we go I'll try and write more often. LB provides a myriad of stories when he's here, not to mention a great deal of pictures. I'm working with this new camera and wanting an upgrade already - Rebel anyone? - so he's a great subject. I'll get some house pictures posted when I can locate the camera in one of the office boxes.

Love, KC

**Update: I found the camera. Here is our new home - and a couple of cute pictures I've taken since we've moved in.